Dealing with a Chronic Illness

Thinking about having a chronic illness and how I cope made me think of this:

"Sir!"
"Yes helmsman?"
"We need to abandon ship!"
"What's wrong?"
"The rust on the hull has caused a crack, the electrical system is frayed and worn, the engine is burning oil faster than we can replace it and..."
"And?"
"And we are boxed in by icebergs in a mined corridor."
"How far are we from home?"
"A day... maybe two."
"Then all is not lost, is it? Full speed ahead!"

-what having a chronic illness feels like, the trick is to not panic.

It's Been a While

I'm sorry I have not posted in a few months but here is a recap.

I had my colon removed on July 27th at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, by the next day I had been told that it weighted about 10 pounds which pretty much means that there is no way it could have been saved, barring a major miracle. I'm cool with that. What happened a few days later I'm still not cool with. My surgeon came in and told me that pathology of the colon was in and that there were three tumors all malignant and none which had been detected in June when I had last been scoped. Not surprising considering that due to the amount of inflammation in the colon they could easily hide. Two were stage one and one was stage three, thankfully none penetrated the muscle wall and only one out of forty one lymph nodes came up as having cancer. What that means is that I am currently undergoing chemo and will be finished, barring any problems, in May or so of 2012. That also means that I won't be having anymore surgery until after the chemo is over. Which sets back the third and final surgery until the fall meaning that I will have a bag for a year or so. Not too bad. And hopefully there will be no problems or complications.

On a plus side I finally got a girlfriend, she's an old friend that I finally reconnected with and hopefully things will work out, only the future will tell.

Two Stage vs Three Stage Colectomy

I was researching the differences between a two stage and three stage colectomy and came up with this interesting abstract from:

Dis Colon Rectum. 1989 Apr;32(4):323-6.
Restorative proctocolectomy with ileal reservoir. Comparison of two-stage vs. three-stage procedures and analysis of factors that might affect outcome.
Nicholls RJ, Holt SD, Lubowski DZ.
St. Mark's Hospital, London, United Kingdom.
Restorative proctocolectomy and ileal reservoir, performed as a two-stage procedure, has the advantages of a shorter hospital stay, one less anesthetic, and a shorter time with a stoma when compared with the three-stage procedure. In a prospective, nonrandomized study of 152 consecutive patients undergoing restorative proctocolectomy (57 two-stage and 95 three-stage), the complication rates for the ileal reservoir phase and the functional results of the two- and three-stage operations were compared. The results suggest that there is no advantage to the three-stage procedure except in the following circumstances: when urgent surgery is required for the complications of ulcerative colitis, when malignancy or Crohn's disease cannot be ruled out, and when a patient with active colitis has a combination of a low hemoglobin value (male less than 13.5 g/dl, female less than 11.5 g/dl), a low serum albumin level (less than 40 g/l), and is taking oral steroids.

What that means in laymen's terms is that there is no significant difference in the two. That is unless you may have a possible tumor, Crohn's, are anemic or are on steroids such as Prednisone. Since I fall in the last of those categories then I suspect that that's one of the reasons why I will be having a three stage surgery as opposed to a two stage. I'll see you all on Monday and then Wednesday it's party time.

Some may wonder "what is a two/three stage" and so forth well a two stage surgery involves:
Stage one: Removal of colon, installation of stoma and colostomy bag, forming of "j" in small intestine.
Stage two: Removal of colostomy and connection of j-pouch to anus.

The three stage involves:

Stage one: Removal of colon, installation of stoma and colostomy bag.
Stage two: Forming of "j" in small intestine. Removal of rectum.
Stage three: Removal of colostomy and connection of j-pouch to anus.

Hey All!

It's almost that time of the month, our support group will be meeting next Wednesday at the same time in the same place with hopefully the same people! I will attend as it will be the last meeting before surgery which will take place next Wednesday at UCLA, I will finally go under the knife and have my lovely colon named Frank removed. I may try to get pictures taken. Therefore in honor of all the Franks and Frankettes that have been removed here is some bathroom jokes! Enjoy!

A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says, "Give me a Bud Lite."


When the bartender brings him the beer, he notices the guy pokes at his hand and starts talking. When he stops talking, the bartender asks, "What are you doing with your hand on your face?"


The guy says, "A while ago I was hit by lightning and from then on my hand became a cell phone."


The bartender says, "Oh! You're full of it!"


So the guy says, "If you don't believe me, then here! Tell me your phone number and I will dial it.


The bartender says, "Dial 654-8967."


The guy did so and hands the phone to the bartender who talks with his wife and kids.


After a few drinks, the guy goes into the bathroom. Two other guys come in and the bartender asks they if they saw the guy whose hand is a cell phone. The two guys say "Oh, you're full of it!" The bartender tells them if they don't believe him, then wait until he comes out of the bathroom and they can see for themselves.


After about 15 minutes the guy still hadn't come out of the bathroom so the bartender goes to check on him. When the bartender goes into the bathroom he sees the guy standing there pants down and toilet paper rolling out of his butt.

The bartender asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

The guy says, "Hold on a second! I'm getting a fax!



One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.


"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart.

Mid-month updates

First of all our total is currently at $9,105.00 with a few weeks left to go before the August deadline. We are so close to our 10k goal and I think that we can make it. Second of all we do have a couple of our members in the hospital, I won't name them without consent from them but let's have them in our thoughts and prayers. Our next meeting will be at the end of the month which should be July 25th. Sadly I may or may not be able to join you.

See on the 21st of July I am having a small bowel follow-through in preparation of surgery which should happen early the following week and could be anywhere from July 25th to the 27th. So wish me luck there and plenty of thoughts of foods that I will not be able to eat, savor or enjoy for the next few weeks or possibly months. Don't worry about me I am going in fully aware of what will happen and possible complications and it's a far better alternative than waiting for a miracle cure that may not happen before my system decides to do something funny and get worse. That's it for now, I'll see you all when I see you!

Be part of a groundbreaking research survey!

From the CCFA:

CCFA Partners:
Patients helping patients toward a better quality of life

We are in the process of building a groundbreaking online research and educational initiative called "CCFA Partners," and we invite you to join us! CCFA Partners is a completely new and very different approach to inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD) research. The initiative's goals are to improve quality of life for patients with IBD through research and education.

How does CCFA Partners work?
We plan to enroll 10,000 or more IBD patients from across the country and hope that you will be among them. We will gather information about you and your experience with IBD through a brief confidential online survey. We will contact you by email every three months to let you know about our progress, and provide you with educational information about IBD and IBD therapies. Every six months we will ask you to update us about your condition in a brief follow-up survey. There is no cost to you for participating. All data will be collected using a secure Internet server, so your personal information is safe and confidential. To start your survey, please click the special link at the end of this e-mail.

If you decide to join CCFA Partners now, you can opt out at any time in the future.

We hope that you will participate fully -- the more people who participate, the more reliable the research results will be! Thank you for your consideration.

If you are 18 or older and want to continue to the survey, please , start your survey here. [update: the link appears to be not working for me, seeing if there is a different link or a workaround since this sounds like a great opportunity for many]

Robot extended version - Hand-Breaded Chicken Fillet Sandwich at Carl ...

This is how I feel at times and I know many of you feel that way as well. And if I do get surgery in a week or two then..well... I better get my lasers ready.

Happy Summer

As we enter July and the real summer hits us I hope that you are all having a great time and had a wonderful and safe 4th of July. As for updates, the Poo Crew currently stands at $9,080.00 with a few weeks left to go until August! Congrats guys we are almost at the $10k that we set out to make.

As for other news. Well it's summer, enjoy the beach, the family and try to stay cool in the heat out there. The next support group meeting will be on July 31st at the same time and place as always. No updates on me yet, sorry. I do have the name of the surgeon and an appt to talk to him for next Thursday although I'll see about getting it bumped up earlier. Other than that stay safe and cool out there!

Things you don't want to hear from a surgeon

I went to see a surgeon today a Colon Rectal surgeon. The first surgeon I had called me to cancel which saved me trouble of having to cancel on him. But back to the story. So I went to see the surgeon and after getting probed and examined, with lube, he stood back and did the usual "hmm" that doctors love to do. He told me everything looked normal and I explained once again that the issue was primarily with the bleeding and long term use of prednisone and 6-mp as I do have a history of cancer in my family already and ran a substantial risk of getting it myself. He wrote some stuff down then told me to wait a moment. He proceeded to leave the room and when he returned he said "I'm not the best surgeon (oh oh) but! I do know one at USC that I went to school with (interested) and he was at the Cleveland Clinic" (Score!) (for those that don't know that is THE PLACE for GI diseases) and so he told me to call him and let them know that he was referring me. This means that I'm back to square one as I wait for my GI to call me about his referral to a surgeon at UCLA, I do plan on calling today after they get back from lunch and inquiring at the very least about which doctor it is as well as telling them about the doctor at USC (Dr. Anthony Senagore for anyone interested) and will hopefully get surgery before the end of summer. I will keep you all informed. And so this experience has inspired me to search far and wide for the following list of what you don't want to hear during surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again...

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.

This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Today

Today is the day, we are a few hours away from the walk and our current total stands at $7575. Great jobs guy. I hope to see you all there as well as Darrin and the newest member of his family, little Aidan!

One more day!

With the walk being tomorrow evening we stand at $7505 which is 75% of our goal and although we didn't make the 10k that we wanted to we did surpass last years total by about a $1000! So congrats to all of you, you all did a great job! See you guys tomorrow!

We are almost there!

Our current total lies at $7225 with the walk a few days away. Congrats on that amount as it is more than what we raised last year! As for other news, yes there is still a meeting this coming Monday, yes it's at the usual location. And no I still have no date for surgery but it appears that it will be at Whittier Hospital not to be confused with Whittier Presbyterian Hospital, and it should be next week, still waiting on more details from my GI.

And I'll leave you ladies and gentlemen with this philosophical list of poo!
(shamelessly stolen from people uncredited)
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Poo List

1. * Taoism: Poo happens.
2. * Confucianism: Confucius say, "Poo happens."
3. * Buddhism: If poo happens, it isn't really poo.
4. * Zen Buddhism: Poo is, and is not.
5. * Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of poo happening?
6. * Hinduism: This poo has happened before.
7. * Islam: If poo happens, it is the will of Allah.
8. * Islam #2: If poo happens, kill the person responsible.
9. * Islam #3: If poo happens, blame Israel.
10. * Catholicism: If poo happens, you deserve it.
11. * Protestantism: Let poo happen to someone else.
12. * Presbyterian: This poo was bound to happen.
13. * Episcopalian: It's not so bad if poo happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
14. * Methodist: It's not so bad if poo happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
15. * Congregationalist: Poo that happens to one person is just as good as poo that happens to another.
16. * Unitarian: Poo that happens to one person is just as bad as poo that happens to another.
17. * Lutheran: If poo happens, don't talk about it.
18. * Fundamentalism: If poo happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
19. * Fundamentalism #2: If poo happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
20. * Fundamentalism #3: Poo must be born again.
21. * Judaism: Why does this poo always happen to us?
22. * Calvinism: Poo happens because you don't work.
23. * Seventh Day Adventism: No poo shall happen on Saturday.
24. * Creationism: God made all poo.
25. * Secular Humanism: Poo evolves.
26. * Christian Science: When poo happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
27. * Christian Science #2: Poo happening is all in your mind.
28. * Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this poo.
29. * Quakers: Let us not fight over this poo.
30. * Utopianism: This poo does not stink.
31. * Darwinism: This poo was once food.
32. * Capitalism: That's MY poo.
33. * Communism: It's everybody's poo.
34. * Feminism: Men are poo.
35. * Chauvinism: We may be poo, but you can't live without us...
36. * Commercialism: Let's package this poo.
37. * Impressionism: From a distance, poo looks like a garden.
38. * Idolism: Let's bronze this poo.
39. * Existentialism: Poo doesn't happen; poo IS.
40. * Existentialism #2: What is poo, anyway?
41. * Stoicism: This poo is good for me.
42. * Hedonism: There is nothing like a good poo happening!
43. * Mormonism: God sent us this poo.
44. * Mormonism #2: This poo is going to happen again.
45. * Wiccan: An it harm none, let poo happen.
46. * Scientology: If poo happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
47. * Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our poo?
48. * Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Poo has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
49. * Moonies: Only really happy poo happens.
50. * Hare Krishna: Poo happens, rama rama.
51. * Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this poo!
52. * Zoroastrianism: Poo happens half on the time.
53. * Church of SubGenius: BoB poos.
54. * Practical: Deal with poo one day at a time.
55. * Agnostic: Poo might have happened; then again, maybe not.
56. * Agnostic #2: Did someone poo?
57. * Agnostic #3: What is this poo?
58. * Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
59. * Atheism: What poo?
60. * Atheism #2: I can't believe this poo!
61. * Nihilism: No poo.

Happy Father's Day Y'all

I was informing some of my Facebook peeps about my soon to come surgery, other than the poo jokes that were sure to come this nugget of information came from one of them. I find it rather relieving to say the least and in tune with the "there is a light at the end of the tunnel" school of thought. :)

"My uncle had to live 20 years with a colostomy bag. One morning about 6 months before he died, he randomly woke up at 3 am and felt the need to go to a dinner in St. Louis, MO (he lived in Washington, MO)[edit-a distance of 50 miles]. He followed that direction and found a man, sitting alone, crying. My uncle, being the type of guy he was, went over and talked to this man in his early 20's. He had just found out that he would need a bag for the rest of his life. He was embarrassed, extremely sad, and was literally considering ending his life because of it. Needless to say, a nice talk with my uncle, some good breakfast, and they became good friends. 15 years later and he is still with his bag, is married with kids, and is a good friend of the family. Its one of the few things that I've witnessed that makes me believe in a higher power."

Enjoy your Father's Day kids!

The Latest

Well guess what guys our current tally stands at $6950 with a week and a day left to go! So congrats to all of you.

In other news I may not be able to attend either the walk or this month's support group meeting as it is likely that I will be having surgery this week. It's time to do it and I finally convinced my GI that it was the right time to do so as well. Hopefully by Monday or Tuesday I will hear word of when the procedure is and where. I told my GI to surprise me and as long as it's not a dentist working on my gut I think I'll be fine. In other news... well there's not much other news but I think we have a strong chance of hitting the 10k mark. I am so confident that I will be donating 50 bucks tonight in order to round it off to an even 7k. Don't worry I am still begging and asking for donations and have come up with the crazy idea of possibly selling the sticker rights to my poo bag in exchange for donations. In other words people give me an idea for something to put on the bag, I put it on there in form of a sticker and send a picture to them. Knowing the crew that I will be offering this proposal to chances are that most of the stuff will not be safe for Disney. But hey if it can get us one step closer to saving the poopers then so be it. More info as it comes! Enjoy your weekend!

Update and life lessons

Well first of all the update, sorry you don't have tonight's winning lotto numbers and our current team war chest is at $6,650 with a couple weeks left to go! Great jobs guys, I think that we might be able to hit the 10k goal, and if not then it was a battle well played and fought, but until then keep raising that money. I on the other hand will send out another volley of e-mails and see if I can get a few more people to make donations, I also have lots of recyclables that I will take in next week to get some money for the group. Next week because we are having a Father's Day/Dual birthday party shinding this weekend and there will be more cans and bottles awaiting to be collected.

And then there are life lessons. Thursday I go and see my GI and see what are the results of my scope from a couple weeks back. I'm sure that it won't be "CONGRATS YOU ARE CURED!" And will be more along the lines of "I'm sorry but it's time." For those that may think that this is a pessimistic analysis I will make you aware that prior to the scope I did have some bleeding, not a good thing. It wasn't a flare-up but I'm sure that there was enough irritation that by the time of the procedure things probably didn't look all nice and peachy. Second of all I am prone to getting Erythema Nodosum which although self resolving can also be a real pain to deal with. They are red welt like things that occur on the lower legs, but they can be rather tender and painful to the touch. Not to mention that they prevent one from doing things such as exercising or even going out for a walk since they lead to swelling of the feet. They are considered to be related to the colitis and to be honest I find them to be worse than the actual pooping related to the disease. The last time I had them they developed into cellulitis, not exactly something that you want to have if you have a weakened immune system. Thankfully this time around I had a nice stockpile of antibiotics in order to minimize the possibility of that happening again.

But despite that I'm tired of those damn things, I'm tired of having to clean up every toilet I sit on due to poo splash and I'm tired of being tired. Therefore if told that surgery has to be performed then I will let him know that I'm cool with ls could be done next week or the following. After all the walk is at the end of the month and although having surgery means that I can't walk it or even drive down to Irvine for that matter I can still talk someone into driving me down there. Plus I have Angels tickets for the 5th and 7th of July. I can skip the 5th but I really, really want the cap they are giving away on the 7th. I also have a volunteer thing on the 9th with a subsequent fundraiser the following weekend and since I know that people will be saying "It's only a volunteer gig and a fundraiser, you don't have to go, think of your health!" I will counter by saying, "Yeah but there is this one young lady..." Anytime after July is impossible since school resumes on August 22nd and I have to be passably healed by then since I will be working with the mentally ill and can't let little things such as pain and the like get in my way. Yes I'm an idiot and stubborn to boot but I have spent too much time letting this little illness run my life that I'm no longer going to allow it to do so.

The other good thing is that I'm caught up at work with the projects that I had to help finish up and my co-worker can more than handle anything in my absence. Yes it's a simple part-time data entry job but there is enough data to enter at the moment to turn it into a full time job. Plus they told me that if I get sick that they themselves will drag my sorry ass to the hospital. I love co-workers that care.
Other than that life is grand, I had a chance to get a preview ride of the Star Tours 2.0 ride at Disneyland and it rocks! I recommend it to anyone that has a chance and the money to visit the park. And my turtle has a grown a bit more. That's it for now, you all have a great day and I'll write more soon.

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen

Yesterday was a rather long day, I volunteered to help set up at the Los Angeles Take Steps walk and now I am beat, sore and tired. I walked the route as I with a few other brave souls went out to post the course signs. We also unloaded and set up tables, moved tents around and battled winds that made me wonder if somehow the park wasn't located somewhere near Lake Michigan in Chicago. But it was a great day and judging by the number of Pollo Loco pieces that I helped served a rather successful day that we all enjoyed and had fun with. Today is a day of rest, then again I have little choice as my body is still sore but that's part of the whole experience. As for other things, we are currently at $5600 with a few weeks left to go and I know that we can raise even more! So get to it people I know that we can all do it!

Happy Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day today and yes we still have a support group meeting this lovely day from 6 to 8 in the pm at the same place in the same room. Our updated total so far is
$5375 with a bit under a month to go. I think we can make even more than that by then so let's go at it!

Update

Sorry for the lack of updates it has been a rather busy last few weeks for me. However I did get to go to the Improv on Thursday to see Ben Morrison perform and I loved it. The MC was great, the first act was wonderful, the second act was... well... breathing, but the main act was phenomenal. If you want to catch a glimpse of what I saw and experienced please feel free to see the video below. However it catches only a portion of the genius of the real deal.

And in case you are all wondering we have currently raised $4300! Congrats, but we still have a bit of a way to go but we can do it!

All the Updates that You can Handle!

Sorry for the lack of updates but Blogger has been down for the last few days making it impossible to add any new content. But thankfully it's back up and what was not blogged about can now be written!

First of all, congrats to all we are now at $4005! Great job you guys!
Second of all here is the list of events that are soon to come.

From Amira Shaif

Have you ever wanted to help loved ones understand what you're going through with IBD, but not quite sure how to do it? Need a night out with friends? Want to help CCFA and Take Steps spread the word about an awesome fundraiser? Ben has suffered from Crohn's Disease for many years and has created the perfect performance. Although we know there is nothing "funny" about having IBD Ben shares his story with humor and gives the audience the opportunity to laugh along with him as he discusses what is sometimes considered the "un-discussable"....
PAIN IN THE BUTT - Benefiting CCFA LA Take Steps
Don't just join us, but tell your friends to come too!

http://online.ccfa.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=82664.0&dlv_id=85385
Hollywood Improv
8162 Melrose Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90046
Thursday 05/19/2011
6PM Dinner & Silent Auction, 8PM Comedy Show
Tickets ae $25

REGISTER TODAY
For this FREE Teleconference/Webcast
This educational event will help patients, caregivers, and pediatricians understand the unique medical and psychosocial needs of children with CD and the importance of continual care. Pediatric gastroenterologist Dr. Sandra Kim and clinical social worker Janis Arnold will discuss:

Important differences between pediatric and adult Crohn's disease
The medical management of pediatric CD
The critical role of nutrition
Growth and development of the pediatric Crohn's patient
Quality of life and support systems


Thursday, May 19, 2011

8:00 PM to 9:15 PM Eastern Time
7:00 PM to 8:15 PM Central Time
6:00 PM to 7:15 PM Mountain Time
5:00 PM to 6:15 PM Pacific Time

First Annual Digestive Health and Wellness Expo - Orange County

Join us on May 21st from 1:00pm to 4:00pm

to learn new ways to facilitate total mind and body wellness.
Expo with be held at In Motion OC
17332 Von Karman Ave Suite 120
Irvine, CA 92614

Come and speak with doctors one on one, acupuncturists, Pilates instructors, yoga instructors, and many more.

We are excited to announce that The Bite Market, a gluten free market, will be at the expo with baked goods samples. Along with Bari Rooney, an IBD nutritionist.
For more information or if you would like a booth
contact Joslynn at jbroun@ccfa.org or 646-717-6208

AND DARRIN HAS OFFERED TO DRIVE!!!

Yard Sale Update

As you may have all heard from Allison the total we raised from the yard sale came to $505! Which raises our total to $3870! We are almost to our goal and we still have more than enough time to reach it and even surpass it. Please thank Allison and Chuck for hosting the yard sale as well as all of you who could help out as well as all of you great people that donated stuff for the yard sale, we could have never done it without you!

Mid-Week Update and More Jazz

Greetings all! This is your midweek update, first of all let me congratulate you all as we have surpassed 50% of our Take Steps goal and are currently at $3340 $3365! Great job you guys, we are almost there!

On a similar note do not forget that this weekend, May 7th will be the day that we are holding our yard sale fundraiser at Allison's place. If you have anything to donate to the cause or simply wish to hang out please contact Allison so that she can give you all the pertinent info or contact me and I'll do the same. Darrin is also more than happy to pick up any large objects that you can't transport so please contact him if you need someone with muscles and a big truck. Contact me if you need someone with a dolly and an excuse on why I can't lift heavy boxes.

On to other things!

Upcoming Events:
MAY 19TH: Pediatric Crohn's: Finding the Right Path to Care. For info click here.
MAY 19TH: CCFA TAKE STEPS LA Presents: Ben Morrison: Pain in the Butt. For info and tickets go here.
MAY 21ST: First Annual Digestive Health and Wellness Expo.
Time: 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm
Where: MOTION OC
17332 Von Karman Ave, Suite 120
Irvine, CA, 92614
Talk to health professionals, hear about acupuncture and yoga and check out the latest body wellness techniques!
For more information contact Joslynn at jbroun@ccfa.org

Today is the dawn of a new month aka May.

It's May, it's also a nice albeit warm day out and we have raised $2835 $2985 with about two months left to go, great job guys!

As for other things red meat appeared the be the main culprit in what had been causing my bleeding as it has been greatly reduced by 85-90% On a similar note my latest CBC tests have revealed that I am no longer anemic and both my liver and kidney function tests are normal. I have also begun weaning myself from prednisone, I am down to 15 mg with no flare ups or apparent bleeding or inflammation which I believe is a great thing. But enough about me. Let's talk about you. Or you. Or you hiding in that corner over there. And since today is May Day let's celebrate by watching these videos on bathroom signs from around the world. Viewer discretion is advised.

CCFA Comedy event at the Hollywood Improv

Hey guys!

This is an official CCFA LA event but I think that anytime that we can support the CCFA and can attend any of their events we should, especially one that provides hours of laughter and entertainment to give us better perspective about our own personal struggles with IBDs.

Ben Morrison performing at the Hollywood Improv.

What: Pain in the Butt (A comedy show about Crohns)
Where: Hollywood Improv
8162 Melrose Ave Los Angeles, CA 90046
When: 5/19 8pm
Cost: $25 for the show--proceeds go to the CCFA
purchase here: laughstub.com

Details:

Pain in the Butt is comedian Ben Morrison’s critically-acclaimed show about the lighter side of Crohn’s Disease.

Chronicling Morrison’s journey from akward high-school-student to awkward high-school-student with a poop disease, Pain in the Butt is the funniest show about severe intestinal disorder, ever. Performed with live multimedia and photography Pain in the Butt is lovingly told with Morrison’s signature belend of stand-up and storytelling. With a comedian’s eye and a patient’s behind Pain in the Butt is a touching tale about a touchy tail.

Having been staged all over the world during it’s amazing 8-year run Pain in the Butt is the the countries premiere theatrical experience about laughing through illness. Don’t miss this one-of-a-kind experience.

Pain in the Butt.

It’s funny, on the insides.

Today's Treat is.... A RECIPE!

I recently came across "How to Cook for Crohn's and Colitis" by Brenda Roscher (or you can get it for free here by signing up) and was intrigued to see what kind of recipes she had created that would be beneficial for those of us with an IBD. She herself struggles with Crohn's and makes it very clear that she too struggled for a while to find a healthy balance between nutrition and oral satiation. The recipes are rather simple and economically and in many ways no different than those that you would find in most cookbooks. The biggest difference being that these are tailored in that the ingredients are diced into much smaller and finer pieces, meats are far, far leaner, soy milk or alternative dairy products are specified and olive oil is recommended over any other type. However, keep in mind that these recipes were designed primarily for her needs and as we all know we all have specific diets that may include or exclude items that others can consume, furthermore these recipes are designed for those who are relatively stable in regards to their medical condition, so if you are having a flare up you might want to hold off on several of them.

So without further due here's a simple recipe for pita chips for those late night cravings when you know potato chips would be a really, really bad idea.

PITA CHIPS
4 Pita breads split horizontally
2 Tablespoons olive oil
1/2 Teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 Teaspoon salt
1/4 Teaspoon black powder

*Preheat oven to 400°F. Drizzle pita halves with olive oil. Cut each half into 6 wedges.
*Coat a baking sheet with vegetable srpay and arrange the wedges on sheet in a single layer. Sprinkle wedges with garlic powder, salt and pepper.
*Bake for 8-10 minutes, until crisp.

More Random Randomness

First of all our midweek update has us at $2350 $2650 $2750! Great job you guys, not bad as we still have a bit over two months left before the walk with plenty of time to raise even more money.

Second of all there is a new website from the CCFA named I'll Be Determined, designed to help guide you through your path as you learn to cope, control and live with your respective IBD. So feel free to give it a look and see if it has answers or suggestions to questions or issues that you may have.

As for other news I have a prescription at Walgreens that I should really pick up, no idea what it's for, it might be Protonix or 6-MP or maybe some sort of supplement. I'll try to check on that tonight if I remember. Oh and a cousin of mine gave me his turtle. Cute little squirt that will probably live a few decades and requires a bit more care and maintenance than a dog. In hindsight I should have probably said no to taking it in but I'm a sucker for strange and exotic like pets, which means I will be getting a larger tank, a heat lamp and other such items to create a pleasant environment for the little squirt. Just thought you should all know.

With all that done and said please feel free to enjoy the comedic talents of this turtle humping a boot. Enjoy!

Random Musing

As I don't want to exhaust my current list of jokes and videos related to all things poo and butts I have chosen to take this time to examine my food no-no's as I think I have recently discovered that a certain food that I enjoy appears to be a trigger and must be limited if not eliminated from my diet. So here it goes, Jorge's list of foods not to eat.

1. Broccoli, cabbage and other flatulence producing veggies: Yeah most of us know about avoiding these foods and although I can do without broccoli I really do or rather did enjoy eating cabbage in stews. Caldo we will miss thee.

2. Nuts: Once again to be avoided at all times, thankfully this only speaks for the nut in its normal, natural form. Paste or butter forms of it are rather okay, good thing because I have too many fond memories of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to simply let that wonder food go, plus I just discovered Nutella and prefer almond milk to all other milk varieties.

3. Milk: I was that kid that could drink a whole gallon milk in one seating, now either due to lactose intolerance, age, the UC or a combination of all of the above I must avoid it as well as most ice creams, some cheeses and certain other dairy products. Thankfully the alternatives are not as off putting now as they were when I was ma much younger lad. (Yes I used the word lad, in fact I think it should be used more often, as should dame.)

4. Carbonated drinks of all varieties: So long Coca Cola, so long Mr. Pibb, so long Mt. Dew and we will miss you Crystal Pepsi. Ah the number one choice for our obese youth and the must have refreshments at any sporting event (okay beer is the must have but you can't drink beer as a kid), but the pain of consuming you is far too great and the frequency of urgency is far to embarrassing to continue using you as refreshment.

5. Caffeine: Coffee and energy drinks to be more exact, teas I can tolerate a little bit better. I was never big on morning wake me up drinks but it's really funny and interesting to see how as a culture we are highly dependent on both coffee and energy drinks. I give all coffee drinkers a challenge out there, wake up at 4 in the morning and try to function until 10 in the evening without your coffee or energy drinks and tell me how it goes. Welcome to my world.

6. Chocolate and candy: Mainly dark chocolate or overly sweet chocolate, but it's okay in small dosages. A triple deluxe, sudden death by chocolate will make you poo cocoa flavored bricks cake on the other hand is completely off limits. Even the sight of it makes my bowels go "NO WAY JOSE!" Candy is just bad. I limit the amount I eat as it seems that the older I get the more sugar hates me.

7. Corn: One of the foods on the no no list for anyone with an IBD and not too hard to avoid but it's sad that when eating posole or menudo you must weigh the issue of whether or not you want to make it sound like the St. Valentine's Day massacre when you go use the restroom (Google it!).

8. Salads: I loved salads, in fact if I could eat a salad I would eat one daily for almost every meal, sadly salads don't love me and shouldn't be trusted as they are rather treasonous to my person. Thankfully salad's little cousin spinach does like me and helps to satisfy my "act like a rabbit for lunch" urges during the day.

9. Gravies and sauces: Any kind of gravy should be limited, and I admit I am bad at doing this since I love Italian foods and American style foods and Teriyaki and other all other wonderful taste bud stimulating culinary delights in existence, therefore I eat them in moderation and try to be careful what I eat them with in order to minimize the consequences.

10. Alcohol: Not a heavy drinker, hell I think I may have a beer every six months and a drink every eight so I'm good with that.

11. Exotic foods: Nope not gonna cut them out, unless they include something mentioned above that is a recognized trigger.

12. Fried foods: As a rule no one should eat them, realistically the only fried foods I eat are french fries and the occasional fried fish thing or other.

13. Beans: I used to love to eat beans. Sadly I can't eat them anymore. Even sadder because it's a cultural staple. Nonetheless I am willing to make the sacrifice.

14. Meat: Red meat to be exact. It seems as if red meat is not an immediate trigger that causes the urgency to use the restroom but instead one that causes further irritation and inflammation as well as bleeding of the colon. Therefore it is with great sadness that I must cut out red meat from my diet. I will still partake in the occasional breakfast sausage or even burger patty or two as ground beef is easier to digest but that will be it. So yes no more steaks, no more pot roast, no more meat loaf or cubed steak. No more caldo or carnitas or even cochinita (technically a white meat but still rather rich), and no more barbecued ribs. Oh red meat how you got me through the hard moments in life as well as got me fat. But that is all in the past as I must not substitute red meat with its avian cousin or cousin from the sea. Veggie patties will work as decent substitute, at least in pretending I am eating a burger but a poor and paltry substitute it will be. Nonetheless it is quality of health I am looking for and if you think about it red meat is most often than not the most expensive of offerings on a menu so on the long run it's also an economic decision.

And with that I will leave all of you tonight. Have a great weekend, a wonderful Easter and don't forget to bring used cell phones, used ink cartridges and stuff to sell at May's yard sale to Monday's meeting!

You Guys Rock!

This midweek update brings great news! We are currently at $2040 with 67 days left to go! Which means that we are well on our way to achieving our goal and ensuring that this year we get that much sought tent for our group come the day of the walk. Don't forget that our next support group meeting is Monday, April 25th at 6 pm at the Los Alamitos Medical Center off of Katella. Remember to bring ink cartridges and used cell phones for the fundraiser and anything that you wish to sell at the yard sale on May 7th or at least remember to call Darrin to pick it up. Once again great job guys and let's keep at it!

Just in Time for the Playoffs!

That's right as most of us have probably not noticed the Stanley Cup Playoffs for that barely heard of and even less understood sport from our cousins upstairs, Hockey, are in full swing. Chicago Blackhawks right winger is one such player that will be participating in them. He is also one of many that suffer the effects of ulcerative colitis. I found his PSA spot for LIVINGwithUC.com a helpful site from which I may borrow material from. Feel free to visit the site and remember that you are not alone in your battle with IBD. Be sure to take in a hockey game this post-season and Enjoy!

Live Pediatric Webcast on Crohn's. Register Today!

From the CCFA:

REGISTER TODAY
For this FREE Teleconference/Webcast

Thursday, May 19, 2010

8:00 PM to 9:15 PM Eastern Time
7:00 PM to 8:15 PM Central Time
6:00 PM to 7:15 PM Mountain Time
5:00 PM to 6:15 PM Pacific Time

This educational event will help patients, caregivers, and pediatricians understand the unique medical and psychosocial needs of children with CD and the importance of continual care. Pediatric gastroenterologist Dr. Sandra Kim and clinical social worker Janis Arnold will discuss:

* Important differences between pediatric and adult Crohn's disease
* The medical management of pediatric CD
* The critical role of nutrition
* Growth and development of the pediatric Crohn's patient
* Quality of life and support systems


Sandra C. Kim, MD is also an assistant professor in the Department of Pediatrics -
Division of Gastroenterology at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, NC.

Janis Arnold, MA, LICSW is a clinical social worker at the Division of Gastroenterology and Nutrition at Children's Hospital Boston in Boston, MA.

The speakers will also answer audience questions during an interactive Q & A session! Register online today, or register by calling toll-free: (877) 264-4949, ext. 3!

Today is...

In honor of today being Charlie Chaplin's Birthday I have decided to post more colonoscopy comedy by known comedians. Some mild language, enjoy!

Odds and Ends and Videos

First off don't forget that the Spring 2011 IBD Patient and Family Education Conference: How to Manage IBD is this Saturday, April 16th at UCLA's Covel Common's Building. See the post before this one for registration information as well as directions to get there and parking.

In other news we are almost at $2000 folks. That's right we are currently at $1890! We are almost there and will surely reach our goal!

And lastly here is a video for you kids, it's one part humor and another part how to put on a colostomy bag so if you are squeamish at the sight of a stoma then you may want to skip watching the first video and just watch the second one simply deals with colonoscopy prep. Some mild NSFW language.

Final Reminder

Don't forget to register for the The Los Angeles Spring 2011 IBD Patient and Family Education Conference: How to Manage IBD which will be held Saturday, April 16, 2011
8:15 AM - 2:00 PM

Covel Commons Building (map & parking)
Sunset Village, UCLA

The Patient and Family Education Conference is designed to educate the IBD patient community about new developments in treatment, surgical techniques, use of complementary and alternative therapies, research, nutrition, and psychosocial issues. This year's Conference sessions are:

Workshop 1

1A -- Preventive Care: Vaccinations and Cancer Screenings Gil Melmed, MD
1B -- IBD 101: The Nuts and Bolts of IBD Jennifer Choi, MD
1C -- Enterostomal Therapy Jonathan Sack, MD; Dane Deluca, RN
1D -- Navigating the Treatment Maze Jeremy Herman, MD 

Workshop 2

2A -- Real People, Real Stories - Living with IBD Alex Akers, Sherry Porat, Adi Bodenstein, Michelle Schwartz
2B -- Alternative Therapies for IBD Nimisha Parekh, MD
2C -- Food and Inflammation: Fertilizing the Weeds Doron Kahana, MD
2D -- Mind, Brain, Body Approaches to IBD Emeran Mayer, MD 

Workshop 3

3A -- Food and Inflammation: Fertilizing the Weeds Doron Kahana, MD
3B -- New Frontiers in IBD Research David Shih, MD
3C -- Controlling Your Child’s IBD through Knowledge David Ziring, MD
3D -- Alternative Therapies for IBD Nimisha Parekh, MD


For more information contact Lindsay Brown at LBrown@ccfa.org, or call (310) 478-4500.

The Kick Off Events

Both the Los Angeles County and Orange County Kick Off events were fun and wonderful events that provided fun, entertainment and food for all that came. I won't say which event was better as both were fabulous and I was able to talk to many CCFA staff members, volunteers and also fellow IBD sufferers who were more than happy to talk about their experiences battling their respective illness. I had a good time at both events whether people watching at the Santa Monica Pier and enjoying the crisp, cool ocean breeze, or doing the same at Disneyland while dodging strollers. I recommend that everyone should go to one of these events or any other event for that matter if only to see that not only are you not alone in your struggles but that there are people out there that genuinely care about your health and state of being.

That said it was great to see Nelson, Jacklyn and Paula at the OC event and I was sorry to hear that Darrin couldn't attend. Regardless of that we were able to survive without our fearless leader. As for our current fundraising efforts, we are at $1760 with 77 days to go which means that so far we have achieved 35% of our goal. Congratulations you guys and I am more than confident that we can not only achieve our goal but surpass it as well.

Free Crohn's Cookbook

I recently found a link to a Free Crohn's Cookbook from Crohn's online. Just click on this link and fill in your information. I ordered one but it has as of yet to arrive so I have no idea how good or bad it is. But as soon as it comes in I will try it out and report the results!

Upcoming Comedy Event for Take Steps LA

Our CCFA Cousins in L.A. are throwing a comedy event together that is guaranteed to be a night full of laughter, fun and enjoyment. If you are free that night please consider buying tickets in order to not only support them but so that they too can return the favor when we start promoting our own events. You can buy tickets for a slightly discounted price, all relevant contact and event information are below.

From the CCFA:
Thursday, May 19, 2011, 8 PM
HOLLYWOOD IMPROV
8162 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90046

Take Steps Los Angeles will be hosting a hilarious night out, featuring Ben Morrison, a comedian unlike any performer you've ever seen. $25 per person and a $5 discount if you buy at the Take Steps Kick-off event. Email ashaif@ccfa.org for tickets. Proceeds benefit the Take Steps Walk Campaign for a Cure.

Just Some Quick Updates

First of all the updated totals for the Poo Crew is currently at $1710.00. Congratulations as we get closer and closer to this year's goal. I also want to acknowledge Nelson and his lovely wife who have helped raise $667.00 for the Crew not counting the ink cartridges and cell phones that they also donated. Please send them an e-mail or congratulate them at the next support group meeting. So once again, Thank you Nelson and Teresa!

As for other things. This weekend will be a rather busy one as the L.A. County and Orange County Take Step Kick Off events take place. I will be attending both as I will be manning the 20s-30s Social Group's table at the Santa Monica Pier come Saturday so please feel free to stop on by and say hello. And then I will be attending the Sunday Kick Off event at Downtown Disney where I will later infiltrate the Magic Kingdom with a select number of others to see if it truly is a small world after all. Please attend if you can, bring your friends and family and show them what the CCFA and Take Steps is all about!

From the CCFA:

Los Angeles Kickoff Event

April 9, 2011, 6 PM - 8 PM, Santa Monica Pier, at the Carousel

THIS SATURDAY April 9, 2011, 6 PM - 8 PM, Santa Monica Pier, at the Carousel!
Come out to the Santa Monica Pier and join us for the Los Angeles Take Steps Kickoff! Bring your family, friends, coworkers and teammates and enjoy ice cream sundaes, carousel rides and mingling with your fellow walkers!! Please RSVP to ashaif@ccfa.org or (310) 478-4513

Orange County Kickoff Event

Sunday, April 10th from 11 AM - 1 PM, the ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney

Come join us on April 10th at the ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney to celebrate a new season of Take Steps. Bring your friends and family to come and learn how we can hit Take Steps 2011 Orange County out of the park! For more information or to RSVP contact Joslynn at jbroun@ccfa.org or (646) 717-6208.

How life's little lessons can teach you a world of experience.

Over the last week or so I have heard been hearing a small screeching sound from the front passenger side tire. Thinking that it was possibly the brakes warning me that it was time to change them I waited until the weekend to look at them as that was the only day I had free. Sunday came and I raised my truck only to discover that the brakes were fine, but something else wasn't.

If you look at the picture where the legs of the upside down A looking part hooks on to the vehicle you would notice that the right side is almost completely removed from the rubber bushings that it houses. The only thing stopping the part from completely coming off and leading to disastrous results was that some designer decided to place two bolts in such a way to prevent such thing from happening.

For those that don't know much about cars let me explain what would have most likely happened in this situation had the bolts not held. I drive an average of 200 or so miles a week, most of it on freeway and most of the time I drive in excess of 80 miles per hour. Yeah I know I'm bad. Had the part failed then the vehicle as well as the three other wheels would have been pointing forward while the wheel that this is attached to would have most likely decided to point to the right causing a spectacular roll over that would have most likely tested the integrity of the vehicle far beyond any test performed by Nissan. Furthermore on the highway at a high rate of speed the likelihood of my steel tumbleweed smashing into other cars and causing a horrific chain reaction would have been most certain.

Now what point am I trying to get to with this example? That's easy. Our bodies are our vehicle and we are our own drivers and sometimes we hear strange things, or feel strange things and most often than not we put off getting them checked out because we assume that it's nothing big. And although most of the time that is the case there are those few times when it's not what we thought it was but instead something far, far worse that could have been preventable. So take it from me, when you get those strange aches and pains, when you feel odd or something just doesn't feel right don't be afraid to get checked out by your GI or doctor, sure it may be nothing more than gas but all the same better safe than sorry.

To Poo or Not to Poo...

All of us eventually run into experience the wonderful feeling of having to go to the bathroom while being away from the safety of our own porcelain throne. It's at times like this that we must make the quick decision of where to go to heed the call of nature. This can vary depending on if you are out shopping versus if you are at a concert or even in the great outdoors. Regardless of location the situation is the same. You need to poo and you need to poo soon. And so for your mild entertainment I provide you with the where to poo and where not to poo list for the many different situations that you might find yourself in.

1. The supermarket/grocery store/most farmer's markets:
Most if not all of these establishments have an accessible bathroom that is often clean and well maintained due to the large volume of people that they tend to experience on a day to day basis. This may not apply to smaller stores but the management in those is often more than willing to accommodate you lest they want to start an E.coli colony in their produce section.

2. At church/church function/ funeral/ wedding/baptism, etc.:
God will understand if you have to miss part of any of these events due to the urgency to poo. And if not then he's a bastard because he's the one that stuck you with the urgency in the first place. Make sure to tell that to anyone that questions your need to leave halfway through the pastor's sermon.

3. A restaurant:
With the exception of taco stands, lunch trucks and Subway most of not all restaurants will have a restroom. In case you have to go and they inform you that only paying customers can use the restroom then drop a dollar bill on the counter, tell them that it's for a cup or bottle of water and grab the key. I actually did this once while looking at stars in Hollywood. The lady was nice and looking at the number of weirdos, tourists and homeless super heroes in the area I don't blame her.

4. Camping:
Does a bear...? You know the answer and the extended answer is that they sell awesomely portable toilets online and in camping/sporting goods stores ranging in price from $18 clear up to a couple hundred depending on its look, portability and waste storage and disposal features. I recommend buying one if you have the chance, you never know when you will need one.

5. School:
There are laws on your side regarding this for public K-12. You can talk to your professor as well as the disabled students services on most if not all Jr/Community colleges as well as full time universities if there is an issue with you leaving to go use the bathroom.

6. At a concert:
If an outdoor concert then use the portables, however as most concerts have more people than portables I recommend training your body to go at the point when there is less traffic at the portable, namely just as the concert is starting. Eat light so that you minimize how many times you go, or get a doctor's note and take your own toilet and stall.
If an outdoor concert then the same applies, since smoking is not allowed indoors in California most people will enter and leave in order to take care of this need and as long as you have your ticket an wristband you should be fine to do the same. If this is not possible talk to the security guy and let him know what is going on and see if he cuts you a break.

7.At a sporting event:
Plenty of bathrooms, and hell most people are so smashed by the end of the game that they probably won't notice if you have an accident.

8. While driving:
Pull over, drop trou, go. But using a camping toilet is probably a bit more hygienic and comfortable.

9. On a flight:
Get an aisle seat and talk to the flight attendants to let them know that you may have the need to use the bathroom more often than not. They may allow you to use the first class bathroom, the staff bathroom and possibly even go when no one is allowed to leave their seat.

10: At a hospital:
I know that this shouldn't be a problem but I am putting this here because of a personal experience. My grandmother spent her last days at St. Vincent's in Los Angeles and one day that I went to visit her I had the sudden urge to evacuate. The men's bathroom was nearby but was unfortunately closed due to repairs, the nearest bathroom was on the second floor. Sensing a rapidly approaching emergency I ran into the woman's bathroom, went inside the corner stall and did what I had to do. However just as I finished two women walked into the bathroom forcing me to stay there for a slightly longer period of time than I would have liked. Thankfully after they left no one else entered and I was able to egress with as minimal embarrassment as possible.

Which brings me to my next point. Ladies don't be afraid to use a men's bathroom, most men will give you a quick look, shrug, give a grunt and finish their business, men I don't recommend you go use a woman's bathroom unless you have a spotter and permission. Sorry those are the rules I don't write them.

Lastly here is my checklist for things to carry in your car if possible.

Overnight bag with a change of clothing and extra medications.
A toothbrush, not for brushing your teeth but for brushing "stuff" that may be stuck on a public toilet.
An extra roll of toilet paper as well as travel toilet paper.
Hand sanitizer and/or alcohol wipes.
Latex or latex free disposable gloves.
A travel or camping toilet.
Paper towels, cloth towels or mechanic rags.
A gallon of water, not for drinking purposes.
A can of deodorant or air freshener.

So I saw a taco truck...

Okay not really but while I was driving to go pay my vehicle registration this morning I heard on the radio about the Food Truck Festival that was going to be held at Santa Anita Park on April 2nd. And by food trucks I'm not just talking about those devilishly delicious but oh so bad for you taco and burrito roach coaches that you find in the alleys and backstreets and industrial areas throughout Los Angeles but also of the newer flavours that have appeared over the last few years. Sushi trucks and nacho trucks, cheesesteak trucks and burger trucks, barbecue trucks and rib trucks, pretty much anything and everything you can imagine will be represented there and boy will it be a truck foodies wetdream come true. And that got me thinking.

No, not about being hungry or food trucks or even betting on the horses but on food, or to be more specific a food festival. Since we have been blessed with a gastrointestinal system that has been declared war upon by our immune system we have the unfortunate need to be far more cautious and aware of what we consume. Nutritionists and dietitians hate us since their carefully crafted and created diet plans are foiled by our inability to eat granola or lettuce or beans or whatever healthy thing they want you to nibble on instead of those chicken nuggets.

And so I began to get an idea. Yeah I know, my ideas tend to lead to more trouble than they are worth but please bear with me. I know that we have been trying to create some sort of large event, an event that will distinguish the OC enough from L.A. so that it could have it's own CCFA chapter. Darrin and Wendy and Allison and Joslynn have been hard at work trying to find a band or a comedian or some sort of act to raise money and show that the OC is capable of handling it's own chapter. And so back to the food festival idea.

What if we held a food festival, but not just any kind of food festival. Forget about the fried Oreos and chili cookoffs and barbecue do or dies, I'm talking about organic, gluten free, community garden/farm, Vegan, Vegetarian and health specialized foods. Still with me? We are fortunate to have plenty of Trader Joes, Fresh & Easy, Sprouts and several other healthier type of grocery stores in the OC, there is also Whole Foods and Wild Oats and countless of mom and pop grocers. Then there are the celebrity cooks and chefs that specialize in this type of cuisine.

Now the questions is, is it feasible? Yes, I know it's kind of, I want to say ironic, that a group that caters to people with GI issues would sponsor such an event but at the same time it makes sense in that you can bring dietary awareness to those who suffer from and IBD and show them that they don't have to change their habits to a water and water diet. And that's why I'm tossing the idea out for you guys to look at and (pardon the pun) digest and see if it's worth doing.

Any and all feedback on this matter would be appreciated, logistically it would require some work and lots and lots of planning, but I don't think that it's a far-fetched or impossible idea. Let me know what you think people.

GI Jokes and Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

From: www.medical-jokes.com

Terrible Constipation
A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation.

The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night.

2 weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was.

The doctor was rather surprised when the man gloomily answered that the pills worked fine and that he went every morning at 7.30.

“So why the long face?” asked the doctor.

“Because I don’t get up until 8 o’clock ! ! !” replied the patient.

Every Time I Fart, It Sounds Like the Word Honda

This guy went to the doctor and said to him “Doctor….I don’t know
what’s wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
HONDA”.

“That’s interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?” says the doctor. The guy says “Sure.”
And sure enough, the doctor hears “HONDA”.

After several attempts to figure out what’s wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
“HONDA.” It is a completely out of this world medical condition.

Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.

After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.

The dentist says “A-haa!!!!….I have solved the problem.”

The patient says “What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc”…..The
dentist replies “Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth.”

The guy says “Yeah….so….What has that got to do with my farts?”

The dentist replies, “Cant you see??….. Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA”

Every Time He Spoke, He Farted

A man went to the doctor complaining that every time he spoke, he farted.

“You must (FFFaaaart….) help me, Doc. Its extremely (whwhwhiiiiffffle…) embarrassing. The only (Phhheeeeeeooooowwww….) saving grace is that the farts don’t (sssssphphrrrrrroophphphphphph….) smell.”

“Hmm!” said the doctor, “I’ll have to send you to a specialist.”

“Will that be a gastro-enterologist (Faaaaaaart) or a surgeon?” said the patient.

“Neither,” said the doctor. “I’m sending you to an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. If you think those farts don’t smell, then you’ve got something wrong with your nose ! !”

All The Parts of the Body Argued Over Who Would be Boss

Who’s the Boss?

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.

After a few days…

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.

This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…

Just an Arsehole.

Los Angeles County Take Steps Kick Off Event Party

I know that most of you live closer to the OC than to LA at least in terms of where most of the events are located at but I encourage any and all of you that can attend the L.A. kick off event to go in order to support your fellow brothers and sisters in toilet and above all, have a great time!

You can also look them up on Facebook by clicking here.

Click picture to enlarge.

Midweek Total Update

Alright kiddies we have currently raised a total of $1635 $1660 counting all of the fundraising until today. This means that we are currently at 33% of our primary goal of $5000 with 88 days remaining. However if we surpass that goal then our secondary goal is $10,000 dollars which I am confidant that we can make by the day of the walk or within days of it.

We still have two more support group meetings, a planned yard sale and additional fundraising ideas that will help us achieve that goal as a group, but we still need you guys to raise funds as individuals and I am more than confident that you can all do it. Don't forget about the Take Steps Kick Off Events in L.A. and in the OC on April 9th and 10th (respectively). I have already posted the OC Kick Off Event info update and will soon post the LA Kick Off Event updates as soon as I get off my ass and look up the e-mail they just sent me. Don't forget to reserve by their respective dates and a couple of us are planning a secret incursion into Disneyland following the OC event please feel free to join us!

Update for Orange County Take Steps Kick Off Party

Ladies and Gentlemen here is the update for the 2011 Orange County Take Steps Kick Off Party.

It will be held at the ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney where we have the privilege of having use of the restaurant portion of the fine establishment. So there will be food! Drinks! And more importantly BIG SCREEN TVs!

It is located at 1545 Disneyland Drive at 11:00 am to 1:00 pm. Bring your friends! Bring your loved ones! Leave the pets at home!

We will be provided with beef sliders, chicken tenders, chicken wings, chips and dip and some veggies, so if you can't eat them then bring a sack lunch! Just kidding, let me know and I'll sneak into California Adventure and will grab you a turkey leg.

Remember to RSVP by April 6th with the lovely Joslynn at jbroun@ccra.org or at 646-717-6208. And don't forget to register for the walk at www.cctakesteps.org/orangecounty

Because I'm a Bored Dork

You knew it was coming.... "C. Diff.:" A Tik Tok Parody

I think that this song is only marginally better than the original. As catchy as it may be I doubt it will ever make the Top 40.

Don't forget to bring your ink cartridges and used cellphones to tomorrow's support group meeting!!!

Take Steps Kickoff Events

Ladies and Gentlemen we have two quasi local kick off events coming up the first week of April, one for the Los Angeles Take Steps Walk and the other for the Orange County Take Steps Walk. Both promise to be fun and awesome and great and I encourage you all to attend at least one. You can find more information on the CCFA Events page but here are the basics. Bring your friends and family to show them what their support means to you!

Los Angeles Take Steps Kickoff
Saturday, April 9th
6:00pm-8:00pm
Carousel at the Santa Monica Pier
RSVP by April 1st at ashaif@ccfa.org or by calling (310) 478-4513

Orange County Take Steps Kickoff
Sunday, April 10th
11:00am to 1:00pm
ESPN Zone at Downtown Disney
For more information or to RSVP contact Joslynn at jbroun@ccfa.org or (646) 717-6208. Please do so by April 1st.

And please don't forget our next Support Group meeting is on March 28th! Same place, same time and please don't forget to bring your old cellphones and ink cartridges! *Update: We are currently at $1465.00, let's try to make it to $2000 by the end of the month please!

Coping With Illness

We all cope with illness in different ways. How you cope can vary based on your current health condition as well as on what stage of grief and mourning scale you are one. This scale primarily goes in this order, denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some people get stuck on one stage longer than others while others may experience the stages in different order. Regardless we all go through them in one way or another. In many of our cases we go through this twice, at least for those with Colitis we go through it when we learn of our disease and then when we must make the painful decision to have our colon removed.

I have yet to experience the second run at the mourning scale but I am confidant that when the time comes I will be ready and prepared as I cope with stress and illness through my own style of humor. I write as a coping mechanism and I enjoy dark, twisted, snarkastic humor which in many ways allows me to see the brighter side of things even when there appears to be no hope, and in a strange way the Prednisone induced mania helps a bit (I know, I know). And if anything blogging on this site has surely done wonders for my confidence and self esteem even if only two people, a Department of Homeland Security agent and three parakeets at an elderly home are the only ones listening.

But rather than going on and on about coping and grief and acceptance I found this video which in many way sums up the feelings that many of us have or will have in regards to our illness.

Bye bye bowel- by Randall McLaren Feat- Whitney Houston Ulcerative Colitis Piece Improv song - watch more funny videos

Poo song! Bonus Points: Colits and Poo Song! Triple Bonus Points: A Beatles Colitis Poo Song!

"Susy in the Loo with Diarrhee," by Susanna Viljanen; a parody of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles

Picture yourself with your bottom on fire,
With knot on your gut and a pain in your eyes
Toilet now calls you, you get there so quickly
- A girl with colitis goes by.

You empty your bowel of yellow and green
Contents of metabolism -
Look at the mirror, it's pain in your eyes
And poo comes -

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)

Ah... Ah...

Follow the symptoms of gastroent'ritis
Nausea with taste of vomit in mouth
Oligopeptides come trickling the taste-buds
They come up to harass and tout.

Loopaper reels are consumed oh so quickly
The stench is incredibly stark
Climb on the john with your rear end in fire
And it comes...

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)

Ah... Ah...

Picture yourself with no carbohydrates
Reduction on lactose and no chocolate pies
Drink just warm water and antibiotics -
The girl with colitis goes by

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)




Courtesy of

Update... and Now with Pages on the Side Bar! Look and Click!!---------->

Congrats guys! We are currently at $1,365.00! That means that we are currently 27% of the way to our goal and with a bit under 100 days remaining I say that we have a really good chance of reaching $5000 or more. Keep in mind we still have the March, April and May support group meetings before the walk as well as several great fund raising ideas.

Our next support group meeting will be Monday, March 28th at the Los Alamitos Medical Center, the same poo place and the same poo time. The lovely Alison will be sending a reminder and please don't forget to bring any and all used printer ink cartridges as well as any cell phones that you have no use for as we are collecting them for one of our fundraisers. As far as I'm aware we may have a yard sale being planned for next month or the following month so stay tuned for more information regarding that.

Once again congrats on reaching this important goal, more information will follow as it becomes available!

This weekend

This last Friday I attended a concert with friends and I am happy to say that not only was it fun but my body was amazingly cooperative. I admit that I apprehensive about going to the venue as it's often the case with me that the later the time of the day the frequency to go to the bathroom increases. The venue was scheduled to start at 8:30 pm and end sometime after midnight. It ended closer to 2 am.

However I had already bought the ticket and had already let my friends know that I was going to carpool with them since the venue was at the Troubadour in West Hollywood where parking is virtually non existent, and not being one to disappoint I decided to throw caution to the wind and go. After all I'm still young and it would do me no good to stay at home and then wonder about all the "what if's," so I went. I had a couple drinks (Jack and Coke, my go to drink) and enjoyed the music and atmosphere never really worrying about the possibility of having to use the restroom. That is not to say that I had not already mapped out the location of each and every single restroom but that was the furthest thing from my mind as there were better and much more interesting things to think about, the band for one and... well other things. Let's just say that blue hair was involved. But I digress.

Since my friends are really close friends with the headlining band we stuck around for an extra hour before heading out to Canter's Deli where at 3 in the morning I decided to pass on the pastrami, which although heavenly delicious was a bit too heavy for me, and went with a burger. I finally got back to Anaheim where I spent the night at around 4 in the morning and somewhere shortly after went to sleep, waking up by 8 with no difficulty nor feeling the pains and aches that I usually feel after a long night, which I suppose means that my body is getting healthier from where it was even a year ago and quite possibly thinking positively during the night helped as well.

I suppose that the moral of this story is to not be afraid and enjoy yourself. Be free of that fear that all of us experience when we are confronted with something that is outside our norm and simply go with it. Worst case scenario is that you crap you pants, best case scenario you leave with good and happy memories as well as new friendships and an experience well worth sacrificing your security net for the night. And yes I'm ready to do it all over again.

Upcoming CCFA events

There are two CCFA events coming up soon, these are educational and informative events for those suffering from an IBD and their families and loved ones. The presenters are great, very knowledgeable and know what it feels like to suffer the suffering that we suffer. If you can please try to attend one of the following two events, they may have cookies and donuts!

Understanding Inflammatory Bowel Diseases: What Every Patient Needs to Know.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
1:00 - 3:00 PM
Courtyard Marriott, Riverside, CA

and

The Los Angeles Spring 2011 IBD Patient and Family Education Conference: How to Manage IBD

Saturday, April 16, 2011
8:15 AM - 2:00 PM
Covel Commons Building
Sunset Village, UCLA
Los Angeles, CA.
List of Speakers is five posts down.

For more information on either event please feel free to contact Lindsay Brown at LBrown@ccfa.org, or call (310) 478-4500

Update and More

We are currently at $865.00 with a bit over a hundred days left to go. Guys I know we can do this and are doing okay especially since the bulk of donations tend to come as we get closer to the event. And today being St. Patrick's Day I was involved in a Leprechaun hunt at work where I was enlisted to find the whereabouts of 24 missing Leprechauns that had escaped from the compound that they were held at and were being studied for since 1971.

And in celebration of St. Patrick's Day here are some Leprechaun jokes. They may or may not be poo related, it all depends on what the Internets give me.

Poop, Shut up and Manners from-Joke Buddha

One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him.
So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him,
"What's your name?!"
"Shut-Up."
At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!"
Shut-Up replies,
"Outside picking up Poop."


Two lil Leprechauns...

Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a Penguin."

The United Kingdom

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across an old Whiskey bottle and a Leprechaun pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Leprechaun.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Leprechaun explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

They Told Me There Would Be No Math

An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test.
The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?" After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not ninety nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine." The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!" "Oh yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!"