Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Things you don't want to hear from a surgeon

I went to see a surgeon today a Colon Rectal surgeon. The first surgeon I had called me to cancel which saved me trouble of having to cancel on him. But back to the story. So I went to see the surgeon and after getting probed and examined, with lube, he stood back and did the usual "hmm" that doctors love to do. He told me everything looked normal and I explained once again that the issue was primarily with the bleeding and long term use of prednisone and 6-mp as I do have a history of cancer in my family already and ran a substantial risk of getting it myself. He wrote some stuff down then told me to wait a moment. He proceeded to leave the room and when he returned he said "I'm not the best surgeon (oh oh) but! I do know one at USC that I went to school with (interested) and he was at the Cleveland Clinic" (Score!) (for those that don't know that is THE PLACE for GI diseases) and so he told me to call him and let them know that he was referring me. This means that I'm back to square one as I wait for my GI to call me about his referral to a surgeon at UCLA, I do plan on calling today after they get back from lunch and inquiring at the very least about which doctor it is as well as telling them about the doctor at USC (Dr. Anthony Senagore for anyone interested) and will hopefully get surgery before the end of summer. I will keep you all informed. And so this experience has inspired me to search far and wide for the following list of what you don't want to hear during surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again...

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off..

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.

This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Sunday, June 26, 2011


Today is the day, we are a few hours away from the walk and our current total stands at $7575. Great jobs guy. I hope to see you all there as well as Darrin and the newest member of his family, little Aidan!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

One more day!

With the walk being tomorrow evening we stand at $7505 which is 75% of our goal and although we didn't make the 10k that we wanted to we did surpass last years total by about a $1000! So congrats to all of you, you all did a great job! See you guys tomorrow!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

We are almost there!

Our current total lies at $7225 with the walk a few days away. Congrats on that amount as it is more than what we raised last year! As for other news, yes there is still a meeting this coming Monday, yes it's at the usual location. And no I still have no date for surgery but it appears that it will be at Whittier Hospital not to be confused with Whittier Presbyterian Hospital, and it should be next week, still waiting on more details from my GI.

And I'll leave you ladies and gentlemen with this philosophical list of poo!
(shamelessly stolen from people uncredited)
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Poo List

1. * Taoism: Poo happens.
2. * Confucianism: Confucius say, "Poo happens."
3. * Buddhism: If poo happens, it isn't really poo.
4. * Zen Buddhism: Poo is, and is not.
5. * Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of poo happening?
6. * Hinduism: This poo has happened before.
7. * Islam: If poo happens, it is the will of Allah.
8. * Islam #2: If poo happens, kill the person responsible.
9. * Islam #3: If poo happens, blame Israel.
10. * Catholicism: If poo happens, you deserve it.
11. * Protestantism: Let poo happen to someone else.
12. * Presbyterian: This poo was bound to happen.
13. * Episcopalian: It's not so bad if poo happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
14. * Methodist: It's not so bad if poo happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
15. * Congregationalist: Poo that happens to one person is just as good as poo that happens to another.
16. * Unitarian: Poo that happens to one person is just as bad as poo that happens to another.
17. * Lutheran: If poo happens, don't talk about it.
18. * Fundamentalism: If poo happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
19. * Fundamentalism #2: If poo happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
20. * Fundamentalism #3: Poo must be born again.
21. * Judaism: Why does this poo always happen to us?
22. * Calvinism: Poo happens because you don't work.
23. * Seventh Day Adventism: No poo shall happen on Saturday.
24. * Creationism: God made all poo.
25. * Secular Humanism: Poo evolves.
26. * Christian Science: When poo happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
27. * Christian Science #2: Poo happening is all in your mind.
28. * Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this poo.
29. * Quakers: Let us not fight over this poo.
30. * Utopianism: This poo does not stink.
31. * Darwinism: This poo was once food.
32. * Capitalism: That's MY poo.
33. * Communism: It's everybody's poo.
34. * Feminism: Men are poo.
35. * Chauvinism: We may be poo, but you can't live without us...
36. * Commercialism: Let's package this poo.
37. * Impressionism: From a distance, poo looks like a garden.
38. * Idolism: Let's bronze this poo.
39. * Existentialism: Poo doesn't happen; poo IS.
40. * Existentialism #2: What is poo, anyway?
41. * Stoicism: This poo is good for me.
42. * Hedonism: There is nothing like a good poo happening!
43. * Mormonism: God sent us this poo.
44. * Mormonism #2: This poo is going to happen again.
45. * Wiccan: An it harm none, let poo happen.
46. * Scientology: If poo happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
47. * Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our poo?
48. * Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Poo has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
49. * Moonies: Only really happy poo happens.
50. * Hare Krishna: Poo happens, rama rama.
51. * Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this poo!
52. * Zoroastrianism: Poo happens half on the time.
53. * Church of SubGenius: BoB poos.
54. * Practical: Deal with poo one day at a time.
55. * Agnostic: Poo might have happened; then again, maybe not.
56. * Agnostic #2: Did someone poo?
57. * Agnostic #3: What is this poo?
58. * Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
59. * Atheism: What poo?
60. * Atheism #2: I can't believe this poo!
61. * Nihilism: No poo.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day Y'all

I was informing some of my Facebook peeps about my soon to come surgery, other than the poo jokes that were sure to come this nugget of information came from one of them. I find it rather relieving to say the least and in tune with the "there is a light at the end of the tunnel" school of thought. :)

"My uncle had to live 20 years with a colostomy bag. One morning about 6 months before he died, he randomly woke up at 3 am and felt the need to go to a dinner in St. Louis, MO (he lived in Washington, MO)[edit-a distance of 50 miles]. He followed that direction and found a man, sitting alone, crying. My uncle, being the type of guy he was, went over and talked to this man in his early 20's. He had just found out that he would need a bag for the rest of his life. He was embarrassed, extremely sad, and was literally considering ending his life because of it. Needless to say, a nice talk with my uncle, some good breakfast, and they became good friends. 15 years later and he is still with his bag, is married with kids, and is a good friend of the family. Its one of the few things that I've witnessed that makes me believe in a higher power."

Enjoy your Father's Day kids!

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Latest

Well guess what guys our current tally stands at $6950 with a week and a day left to go! So congrats to all of you.

In other news I may not be able to attend either the walk or this month's support group meeting as it is likely that I will be having surgery this week. It's time to do it and I finally convinced my GI that it was the right time to do so as well. Hopefully by Monday or Tuesday I will hear word of when the procedure is and where. I told my GI to surprise me and as long as it's not a dentist working on my gut I think I'll be fine. In other news... well there's not much other news but I think we have a strong chance of hitting the 10k mark. I am so confident that I will be donating 50 bucks tonight in order to round it off to an even 7k. Don't worry I am still begging and asking for donations and have come up with the crazy idea of possibly selling the sticker rights to my poo bag in exchange for donations. In other words people give me an idea for something to put on the bag, I put it on there in form of a sticker and send a picture to them. Knowing the crew that I will be offering this proposal to chances are that most of the stuff will not be safe for Disney. But hey if it can get us one step closer to saving the poopers then so be it. More info as it comes! Enjoy your weekend!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Update and life lessons

Well first of all the update, sorry you don't have tonight's winning lotto numbers and our current team war chest is at $6,650 with a couple weeks left to go! Great jobs guys, I think that we might be able to hit the 10k goal, and if not then it was a battle well played and fought, but until then keep raising that money. I on the other hand will send out another volley of e-mails and see if I can get a few more people to make donations, I also have lots of recyclables that I will take in next week to get some money for the group. Next week because we are having a Father's Day/Dual birthday party shinding this weekend and there will be more cans and bottles awaiting to be collected.

And then there are life lessons. Thursday I go and see my GI and see what are the results of my scope from a couple weeks back. I'm sure that it won't be "CONGRATS YOU ARE CURED!" And will be more along the lines of "I'm sorry but it's time." For those that may think that this is a pessimistic analysis I will make you aware that prior to the scope I did have some bleeding, not a good thing. It wasn't a flare-up but I'm sure that there was enough irritation that by the time of the procedure things probably didn't look all nice and peachy. Second of all I am prone to getting Erythema Nodosum which although self resolving can also be a real pain to deal with. They are red welt like things that occur on the lower legs, but they can be rather tender and painful to the touch. Not to mention that they prevent one from doing things such as exercising or even going out for a walk since they lead to swelling of the feet. They are considered to be related to the colitis and to be honest I find them to be worse than the actual pooping related to the disease. The last time I had them they developed into cellulitis, not exactly something that you want to have if you have a weakened immune system. Thankfully this time around I had a nice stockpile of antibiotics in order to minimize the possibility of that happening again.

But despite that I'm tired of those damn things, I'm tired of having to clean up every toilet I sit on due to poo splash and I'm tired of being tired. Therefore if told that surgery has to be performed then I will let him know that I'm cool with ls could be done next week or the following. After all the walk is at the end of the month and although having surgery means that I can't walk it or even drive down to Irvine for that matter I can still talk someone into driving me down there. Plus I have Angels tickets for the 5th and 7th of July. I can skip the 5th but I really, really want the cap they are giving away on the 7th. I also have a volunteer thing on the 9th with a subsequent fundraiser the following weekend and since I know that people will be saying "It's only a volunteer gig and a fundraiser, you don't have to go, think of your health!" I will counter by saying, "Yeah but there is this one young lady..." Anytime after July is impossible since school resumes on August 22nd and I have to be passably healed by then since I will be working with the mentally ill and can't let little things such as pain and the like get in my way. Yes I'm an idiot and stubborn to boot but I have spent too much time letting this little illness run my life that I'm no longer going to allow it to do so.

The other good thing is that I'm caught up at work with the projects that I had to help finish up and my co-worker can more than handle anything in my absence. Yes it's a simple part-time data entry job but there is enough data to enter at the moment to turn it into a full time job. Plus they told me that if I get sick that they themselves will drag my sorry ass to the hospital. I love co-workers that care.
Other than that life is grand, I had a chance to get a preview ride of the Star Tours 2.0 ride at Disneyland and it rocks! I recommend it to anyone that has a chance and the money to visit the park. And my turtle has a grown a bit more. That's it for now, you all have a great day and I'll write more soon.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen

Yesterday was a rather long day, I volunteered to help set up at the Los Angeles Take Steps walk and now I am beat, sore and tired. I walked the route as I with a few other brave souls went out to post the course signs. We also unloaded and set up tables, moved tents around and battled winds that made me wonder if somehow the park wasn't located somewhere near Lake Michigan in Chicago. But it was a great day and judging by the number of Pollo Loco pieces that I helped served a rather successful day that we all enjoyed and had fun with. Today is a day of rest, then again I have little choice as my body is still sore but that's part of the whole experience. As for other things, we are currently at $5600 with a few weeks left to go and I know that we can raise even more! So get to it people I know that we can all do it!