So you think you have a flare up

You wake up one morning and your gut is hurting, you rush to the bathroom and know that this is the beginning of an all day tribute to the porcelain god. You wonder what you can do, that is other than stock up on magazines, Gatorade and set up an Internet line to your toilet. Here are a few suggestions, keep in mind that every individual is different so something that works for someone may not work for someone else.

1. Dietary:
A light diet may be helpful, broth, jello, decaffeinated teas and Gatorade. Remember you will be losing liquids, minerals and electrolytes that need to be replenished. Even if you think that it's a good idea to avoid food because it may cut down on bowel movements it's not. If anything it can lead to dehydration, mineral deficiency and possible anemia. That doesn't mean that you should order a bucket of KFC friend skins and down it all with a gallon of cola but instead make conscious food choices that will help you see what you can and can't tolerate in order to avoid those foods in the future.

2. Exercise:
I know you want to curl up in bed, on the couch, in the tub, or on the toilet and die but don't. Try to get minimal exercise in order to promote digestion and healing. I'm not talking about running a triathlon, conquering Everest or cycling the Tour de France, but walk around the block, walk to dog, or take care of any low impact chores that may get your mind off the pain in the ass that is a flare up. Trust me it's good for you.

3. Clothing:
Dark clothing, dark underwear, NO WHITES. Because there is nothing more embarrassing than people informing you that you accidentally sat on a 99 cent burrito from Taco Bell. It's bad. I am aware that many of us would rather not leave the home when a flare up occurs but in case you have to, for say an emergency such as saving the world because your PIN number happens to be the code that the alien invaders need to avoid wiping us out, well then dress comfortable, but not in such a fashion that someone may mistake you for an animated pile of laundry.

4. Dating:
Cancel the date. No seriously, cancel. Tell them that your car blew up, that you were abducted by space pirates, that you were drafted to fight the war on bad literature turned into horrible movies, anything to get you out but that will still allow you to have a second chance date. Unless they are aware of your condition and are willing to come over and nurse you to health, in that case then play the sympathy cards. Results may vary.

5. Meds:
Yes we all hate taking them, we all hate the side-effects but even during the worse of flare-ups do not fall into the temptation to self medicate and double your doses hoping it will clear things up. It probably won't work and may instead cause your symptoms too worsen. Take your medications as directed unless told otherwise by your GI. That's your GI and not the guy across the street named Doc X who got his GED in Medicine from Online Diploma Mill U. It doesn't work that way. So take as directed and if things get really, really bad then it's off to the ER for you.

6. "Herbal remedies":
Yes as someone with an IBD you qualify for a card. Yes you live in state where you can get said card and remedies. I am neither for nor against them as they may or may not work in relieving pain and other ailments related to IBDs. But if you choose this path remember to have plenty of light snacking materials around as well as plenty of electrolyte replenishing liquids as the ensuing munchies may give you the desire to eat anything in sight. The liquid replenishment is for the liquid to be lost when your body realized that you just ate everything in sight.

7. Transportation:
If you haven't already try to get a handicapped placard or plate. This will help in case that you have to leave home to buy something. If possible get a driver but that can't always be helped. I know that some will find it strange to get a disabled person placard but it comes in handy in cases where your body needs to go and there is nowhere to park. Trust me on this. It's also helpful at sporting events, crowded malls on Black Friday and at Disneyland. Use it responsibly.

8. Alcohol:
Avoid during a flare. I don't care what the French say, avoid it. It's bad. Trust me on this.

9. Toilet paper:
This is a tricky issue since even the softest most gentle of toilet papers will turn into sandpaper if used at the frequency that it's used during a flare up. Therefore I suggest a combination of baby wipes, soft toilet paper and if possible getting a bidet seat or sprayer for your toilet. Your butt will thank you and that will be more than enough to offset the cost.

10. Friends:
Have them come over and throw a bathroom party. Play games, watch movies and come up with healthy food choices for you. I know that this sounds silly and may work better for women than men but hell guys can throw a sports themed one.

I am aware that when you are flaring you just want to die but all the same we have to try to break away from the anti-social aspects of our disease and conquer it instead of letting it conquer us. We have to own our disease, no matter how hard it is, no matter how daunting it may seem you can do it and live as normal of a life as you want it to be.