I was informing some of my Facebook peeps about my soon to come surgery, other than the poo jokes that were sure to come this nugget of information came from one of them. I find it rather relieving to say the least and in tune with the "there is a light at the end of the tunnel" school of thought. :)
"My uncle had to live 20 years with a colostomy bag. One morning about 6 months before he died, he randomly woke up at 3 am and felt the need to go to a dinner in St. Louis, MO (he lived in Washington, MO)[edit-a distance of 50 miles]. He followed that direction and found a man, sitting alone, crying. My uncle, being the type of guy he was, went over and talked to this man in his early 20's. He had just found out that he would need a bag for the rest of his life. He was embarrassed, extremely sad, and was literally considering ending his life because of it. Needless to say, a nice talk with my uncle, some good breakfast, and they became good friends. 15 years later and he is still with his bag, is married with kids, and is a good friend of the family. Its one of the few things that I've witnessed that makes me believe in a higher power."
Enjoy your Father's Day kids!
Showing posts with label comfort. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comfort. Show all posts
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Random Musing
As I don't want to exhaust my current list of jokes and videos related to all things poo and butts I have chosen to take this time to examine my food no-no's as I think I have recently discovered that a certain food that I enjoy appears to be a trigger and must be limited if not eliminated from my diet. So here it goes, Jorge's list of foods not to eat.
1. Broccoli, cabbage and other flatulence producing veggies: Yeah most of us know about avoiding these foods and although I can do without broccoli I really do or rather did enjoy eating cabbage in stews. Caldo we will miss thee.
2. Nuts: Once again to be avoided at all times, thankfully this only speaks for the nut in its normal, natural form. Paste or butter forms of it are rather okay, good thing because I have too many fond memories of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to simply let that wonder food go, plus I just discovered Nutella and prefer almond milk to all other milk varieties.
3. Milk: I was that kid that could drink a whole gallon milk in one seating, now either due to lactose intolerance, age, the UC or a combination of all of the above I must avoid it as well as most ice creams, some cheeses and certain other dairy products. Thankfully the alternatives are not as off putting now as they were when I was ma much younger lad. (Yes I used the word lad, in fact I think it should be used more often, as should dame.)
4. Carbonated drinks of all varieties: So long Coca Cola, so long Mr. Pibb, so long Mt. Dew and we will miss you Crystal Pepsi. Ah the number one choice for our obese youth and the must have refreshments at any sporting event (okay beer is the must have but you can't drink beer as a kid), but the pain of consuming you is far too great and the frequency of urgency is far to embarrassing to continue using you as refreshment.
5. Caffeine: Coffee and energy drinks to be more exact, teas I can tolerate a little bit better. I was never big on morning wake me up drinks but it's really funny and interesting to see how as a culture we are highly dependent on both coffee and energy drinks. I give all coffee drinkers a challenge out there, wake up at 4 in the morning and try to function until 10 in the evening without your coffee or energy drinks and tell me how it goes. Welcome to my world.
6. Chocolate and candy: Mainly dark chocolate or overly sweet chocolate, but it's okay in small dosages. A triple deluxe, sudden death by chocolate will make you poo cocoa flavored bricks cake on the other hand is completely off limits. Even the sight of it makes my bowels go "NO WAY JOSE!" Candy is just bad. I limit the amount I eat as it seems that the older I get the more sugar hates me.
7. Corn: One of the foods on the no no list for anyone with an IBD and not too hard to avoid but it's sad that when eating posole or menudo you must weigh the issue of whether or not you want to make it sound like the St. Valentine's Day massacre when you go use the restroom (Google it!).
8. Salads: I loved salads, in fact if I could eat a salad I would eat one daily for almost every meal, sadly salads don't love me and shouldn't be trusted as they are rather treasonous to my person. Thankfully salad's little cousin spinach does like me and helps to satisfy my "act like a rabbit for lunch" urges during the day.
9. Gravies and sauces: Any kind of gravy should be limited, and I admit I am bad at doing this since I love Italian foods and American style foods and Teriyaki and other all other wonderful taste bud stimulating culinary delights in existence, therefore I eat them in moderation and try to be careful what I eat them with in order to minimize the consequences.
10. Alcohol: Not a heavy drinker, hell I think I may have a beer every six months and a drink every eight so I'm good with that.
11. Exotic foods: Nope not gonna cut them out, unless they include something mentioned above that is a recognized trigger.
12. Fried foods: As a rule no one should eat them, realistically the only fried foods I eat are french fries and the occasional fried fish thing or other.
13. Beans: I used to love to eat beans. Sadly I can't eat them anymore. Even sadder because it's a cultural staple. Nonetheless I am willing to make the sacrifice.
14. Meat: Red meat to be exact. It seems as if red meat is not an immediate trigger that causes the urgency to use the restroom but instead one that causes further irritation and inflammation as well as bleeding of the colon. Therefore it is with great sadness that I must cut out red meat from my diet. I will still partake in the occasional breakfast sausage or even burger patty or two as ground beef is easier to digest but that will be it. So yes no more steaks, no more pot roast, no more meat loaf or cubed steak. No more caldo or carnitas or even cochinita (technically a white meat but still rather rich), and no more barbecued ribs. Oh red meat how you got me through the hard moments in life as well as got me fat. But that is all in the past as I must not substitute red meat with its avian cousin or cousin from the sea. Veggie patties will work as decent substitute, at least in pretending I am eating a burger but a poor and paltry substitute it will be. Nonetheless it is quality of health I am looking for and if you think about it red meat is most often than not the most expensive of offerings on a menu so on the long run it's also an economic decision.
And with that I will leave all of you tonight. Have a great weekend, a wonderful Easter and don't forget to bring used cell phones, used ink cartridges and stuff to sell at May's yard sale to Monday's meeting!
1. Broccoli, cabbage and other flatulence producing veggies: Yeah most of us know about avoiding these foods and although I can do without broccoli I really do or rather did enjoy eating cabbage in stews. Caldo we will miss thee.
2. Nuts: Once again to be avoided at all times, thankfully this only speaks for the nut in its normal, natural form. Paste or butter forms of it are rather okay, good thing because I have too many fond memories of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to simply let that wonder food go, plus I just discovered Nutella and prefer almond milk to all other milk varieties.
3. Milk: I was that kid that could drink a whole gallon milk in one seating, now either due to lactose intolerance, age, the UC or a combination of all of the above I must avoid it as well as most ice creams, some cheeses and certain other dairy products. Thankfully the alternatives are not as off putting now as they were when I was ma much younger lad. (Yes I used the word lad, in fact I think it should be used more often, as should dame.)
4. Carbonated drinks of all varieties: So long Coca Cola, so long Mr. Pibb, so long Mt. Dew and we will miss you Crystal Pepsi. Ah the number one choice for our obese youth and the must have refreshments at any sporting event (okay beer is the must have but you can't drink beer as a kid), but the pain of consuming you is far too great and the frequency of urgency is far to embarrassing to continue using you as refreshment.
5. Caffeine: Coffee and energy drinks to be more exact, teas I can tolerate a little bit better. I was never big on morning wake me up drinks but it's really funny and interesting to see how as a culture we are highly dependent on both coffee and energy drinks. I give all coffee drinkers a challenge out there, wake up at 4 in the morning and try to function until 10 in the evening without your coffee or energy drinks and tell me how it goes. Welcome to my world.
6. Chocolate and candy: Mainly dark chocolate or overly sweet chocolate, but it's okay in small dosages. A triple deluxe, sudden death by chocolate will make you poo cocoa flavored bricks cake on the other hand is completely off limits. Even the sight of it makes my bowels go "NO WAY JOSE!" Candy is just bad. I limit the amount I eat as it seems that the older I get the more sugar hates me.
7. Corn: One of the foods on the no no list for anyone with an IBD and not too hard to avoid but it's sad that when eating posole or menudo you must weigh the issue of whether or not you want to make it sound like the St. Valentine's Day massacre when you go use the restroom (Google it!).
8. Salads: I loved salads, in fact if I could eat a salad I would eat one daily for almost every meal, sadly salads don't love me and shouldn't be trusted as they are rather treasonous to my person. Thankfully salad's little cousin spinach does like me and helps to satisfy my "act like a rabbit for lunch" urges during the day.
9. Gravies and sauces: Any kind of gravy should be limited, and I admit I am bad at doing this since I love Italian foods and American style foods and Teriyaki and other all other wonderful taste bud stimulating culinary delights in existence, therefore I eat them in moderation and try to be careful what I eat them with in order to minimize the consequences.
10. Alcohol: Not a heavy drinker, hell I think I may have a beer every six months and a drink every eight so I'm good with that.
11. Exotic foods: Nope not gonna cut them out, unless they include something mentioned above that is a recognized trigger.
12. Fried foods: As a rule no one should eat them, realistically the only fried foods I eat are french fries and the occasional fried fish thing or other.
13. Beans: I used to love to eat beans. Sadly I can't eat them anymore. Even sadder because it's a cultural staple. Nonetheless I am willing to make the sacrifice.
14. Meat: Red meat to be exact. It seems as if red meat is not an immediate trigger that causes the urgency to use the restroom but instead one that causes further irritation and inflammation as well as bleeding of the colon. Therefore it is with great sadness that I must cut out red meat from my diet. I will still partake in the occasional breakfast sausage or even burger patty or two as ground beef is easier to digest but that will be it. So yes no more steaks, no more pot roast, no more meat loaf or cubed steak. No more caldo or carnitas or even cochinita (technically a white meat but still rather rich), and no more barbecued ribs. Oh red meat how you got me through the hard moments in life as well as got me fat. But that is all in the past as I must not substitute red meat with its avian cousin or cousin from the sea. Veggie patties will work as decent substitute, at least in pretending I am eating a burger but a poor and paltry substitute it will be. Nonetheless it is quality of health I am looking for and if you think about it red meat is most often than not the most expensive of offerings on a menu so on the long run it's also an economic decision.
And with that I will leave all of you tonight. Have a great weekend, a wonderful Easter and don't forget to bring used cell phones, used ink cartridges and stuff to sell at May's yard sale to Monday's meeting!
Monday, April 4, 2011
How life's little lessons can teach you a world of experience.
Over the last week or so I have heard been hearing a small screeching sound from the front passenger side tire. Thinking that it was possibly the brakes warning me that it was time to change them I waited until the weekend to look at them as that was the only day I had free. Sunday came and I raised my truck only to discover that the brakes were fine, but something else wasn't.
If you look at the picture where the legs of the upside down A looking part hooks on to the vehicle you would notice that the right side is almost completely removed from the rubber bushings that it houses. The only thing stopping the part from completely coming off and leading to disastrous results was that some designer decided to place two bolts in such a way to prevent such thing from happening.
For those that don't know much about cars let me explain what would have most likely happened in this situation had the bolts not held. I drive an average of 200 or so miles a week, most of it on freeway and most of the time I drive in excess of 80 miles per hour. Yeah I know I'm bad. Had the part failed then the vehicle as well as the three other wheels would have been pointing forward while the wheel that this is attached to would have most likely decided to point to the right causing a spectacular roll over that would have most likely tested the integrity of the vehicle far beyond any test performed by Nissan. Furthermore on the highway at a high rate of speed the likelihood of my steel tumbleweed smashing into other cars and causing a horrific chain reaction would have been most certain.
Now what point am I trying to get to with this example? That's easy. Our bodies are our vehicle and we are our own drivers and sometimes we hear strange things, or feel strange things and most often than not we put off getting them checked out because we assume that it's nothing big. And although most of the time that is the case there are those few times when it's not what we thought it was but instead something far, far worse that could have been preventable. So take it from me, when you get those strange aches and pains, when you feel odd or something just doesn't feel right don't be afraid to get checked out by your GI or doctor, sure it may be nothing more than gas but all the same better safe than sorry.
If you look at the picture where the legs of the upside down A looking part hooks on to the vehicle you would notice that the right side is almost completely removed from the rubber bushings that it houses. The only thing stopping the part from completely coming off and leading to disastrous results was that some designer decided to place two bolts in such a way to prevent such thing from happening.
For those that don't know much about cars let me explain what would have most likely happened in this situation had the bolts not held. I drive an average of 200 or so miles a week, most of it on freeway and most of the time I drive in excess of 80 miles per hour. Yeah I know I'm bad. Had the part failed then the vehicle as well as the three other wheels would have been pointing forward while the wheel that this is attached to would have most likely decided to point to the right causing a spectacular roll over that would have most likely tested the integrity of the vehicle far beyond any test performed by Nissan. Furthermore on the highway at a high rate of speed the likelihood of my steel tumbleweed smashing into other cars and causing a horrific chain reaction would have been most certain.
Now what point am I trying to get to with this example? That's easy. Our bodies are our vehicle and we are our own drivers and sometimes we hear strange things, or feel strange things and most often than not we put off getting them checked out because we assume that it's nothing big. And although most of the time that is the case there are those few times when it's not what we thought it was but instead something far, far worse that could have been preventable. So take it from me, when you get those strange aches and pains, when you feel odd or something just doesn't feel right don't be afraid to get checked out by your GI or doctor, sure it may be nothing more than gas but all the same better safe than sorry.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
To Poo or Not to Poo...
All of us eventually run into experience the wonderful feeling of having to go to the bathroom while being away from the safety of our own porcelain throne. It's at times like this that we must make the quick decision of where to go to heed the call of nature. This can vary depending on if you are out shopping versus if you are at a concert or even in the great outdoors. Regardless of location the situation is the same. You need to poo and you need to poo soon. And so for your mild entertainment I provide you with the where to poo and where not to poo list for the many different situations that you might find yourself in.
1. The supermarket/grocery store/most farmer's markets:
Most if not all of these establishments have an accessible bathroom that is often clean and well maintained due to the large volume of people that they tend to experience on a day to day basis. This may not apply to smaller stores but the management in those is often more than willing to accommodate you lest they want to start an E.coli colony in their produce section.
2. At church/church function/ funeral/ wedding/baptism, etc.:
God will understand if you have to miss part of any of these events due to the urgency to poo. And if not then he's a bastard because he's the one that stuck you with the urgency in the first place. Make sure to tell that to anyone that questions your need to leave halfway through the pastor's sermon.
3. A restaurant:
With the exception of taco stands, lunch trucks and Subway most of not all restaurants will have a restroom. In case you have to go and they inform you that only paying customers can use the restroom then drop a dollar bill on the counter, tell them that it's for a cup or bottle of water and grab the key. I actually did this once while looking at stars in Hollywood. The lady was nice and looking at the number of weirdos, tourists and homeless super heroes in the area I don't blame her.
4. Camping:
Does a bear...? You know the answer and the extended answer is that they sell awesomely portable toilets online and in camping/sporting goods stores ranging in price from $18 clear up to a couple hundred depending on its look, portability and waste storage and disposal features. I recommend buying one if you have the chance, you never know when you will need one.
5. School:
There are laws on your side regarding this for public K-12. You can talk to your professor as well as the disabled students services on most if not all Jr/Community colleges as well as full time universities if there is an issue with you leaving to go use the bathroom.
6. At a concert:
If an outdoor concert then use the portables, however as most concerts have more people than portables I recommend training your body to go at the point when there is less traffic at the portable, namely just as the concert is starting. Eat light so that you minimize how many times you go, or get a doctor's note and take your own toilet and stall.
If an outdoor concert then the same applies, since smoking is not allowed indoors in California most people will enter and leave in order to take care of this need and as long as you have your ticket an wristband you should be fine to do the same. If this is not possible talk to the security guy and let him know what is going on and see if he cuts you a break.
7.At a sporting event:
Plenty of bathrooms, and hell most people are so smashed by the end of the game that they probably won't notice if you have an accident.
8. While driving:
Pull over, drop trou, go. But using a camping toilet is probably a bit more hygienic and comfortable.
9. On a flight:
Get an aisle seat and talk to the flight attendants to let them know that you may have the need to use the bathroom more often than not. They may allow you to use the first class bathroom, the staff bathroom and possibly even go when no one is allowed to leave their seat.
10: At a hospital:
I know that this shouldn't be a problem but I am putting this here because of a personal experience. My grandmother spent her last days at St. Vincent's in Los Angeles and one day that I went to visit her I had the sudden urge to evacuate. The men's bathroom was nearby but was unfortunately closed due to repairs, the nearest bathroom was on the second floor. Sensing a rapidly approaching emergency I ran into the woman's bathroom, went inside the corner stall and did what I had to do. However just as I finished two women walked into the bathroom forcing me to stay there for a slightly longer period of time than I would have liked. Thankfully after they left no one else entered and I was able to egress with as minimal embarrassment as possible.
Which brings me to my next point. Ladies don't be afraid to use a men's bathroom, most men will give you a quick look, shrug, give a grunt and finish their business, men I don't recommend you go use a woman's bathroom unless you have a spotter and permission. Sorry those are the rules I don't write them.
Lastly here is my checklist for things to carry in your car if possible.
Overnight bag with a change of clothing and extra medications.
A toothbrush, not for brushing your teeth but for brushing "stuff" that may be stuck on a public toilet.
An extra roll of toilet paper as well as travel toilet paper.
Hand sanitizer and/or alcohol wipes.
Latex or latex free disposable gloves.
A travel or camping toilet.
Paper towels, cloth towels or mechanic rags.
A gallon of water, not for drinking purposes.
A can of deodorant or air freshener.
1. The supermarket/grocery store/most farmer's markets:
Most if not all of these establishments have an accessible bathroom that is often clean and well maintained due to the large volume of people that they tend to experience on a day to day basis. This may not apply to smaller stores but the management in those is often more than willing to accommodate you lest they want to start an E.coli colony in their produce section.
2. At church/church function/ funeral/ wedding/baptism, etc.:
God will understand if you have to miss part of any of these events due to the urgency to poo. And if not then he's a bastard because he's the one that stuck you with the urgency in the first place. Make sure to tell that to anyone that questions your need to leave halfway through the pastor's sermon.
3. A restaurant:
With the exception of taco stands, lunch trucks and Subway most of not all restaurants will have a restroom. In case you have to go and they inform you that only paying customers can use the restroom then drop a dollar bill on the counter, tell them that it's for a cup or bottle of water and grab the key. I actually did this once while looking at stars in Hollywood. The lady was nice and looking at the number of weirdos, tourists and homeless super heroes in the area I don't blame her.
4. Camping:
Does a bear...? You know the answer and the extended answer is that they sell awesomely portable toilets online and in camping/sporting goods stores ranging in price from $18 clear up to a couple hundred depending on its look, portability and waste storage and disposal features. I recommend buying one if you have the chance, you never know when you will need one.
5. School:
There are laws on your side regarding this for public K-12. You can talk to your professor as well as the disabled students services on most if not all Jr/Community colleges as well as full time universities if there is an issue with you leaving to go use the bathroom.
6. At a concert:
If an outdoor concert then use the portables, however as most concerts have more people than portables I recommend training your body to go at the point when there is less traffic at the portable, namely just as the concert is starting. Eat light so that you minimize how many times you go, or get a doctor's note and take your own toilet and stall.
If an outdoor concert then the same applies, since smoking is not allowed indoors in California most people will enter and leave in order to take care of this need and as long as you have your ticket an wristband you should be fine to do the same. If this is not possible talk to the security guy and let him know what is going on and see if he cuts you a break.
7.At a sporting event:
Plenty of bathrooms, and hell most people are so smashed by the end of the game that they probably won't notice if you have an accident.
8. While driving:
Pull over, drop trou, go. But using a camping toilet is probably a bit more hygienic and comfortable.
9. On a flight:
Get an aisle seat and talk to the flight attendants to let them know that you may have the need to use the bathroom more often than not. They may allow you to use the first class bathroom, the staff bathroom and possibly even go when no one is allowed to leave their seat.
10: At a hospital:
I know that this shouldn't be a problem but I am putting this here because of a personal experience. My grandmother spent her last days at St. Vincent's in Los Angeles and one day that I went to visit her I had the sudden urge to evacuate. The men's bathroom was nearby but was unfortunately closed due to repairs, the nearest bathroom was on the second floor. Sensing a rapidly approaching emergency I ran into the woman's bathroom, went inside the corner stall and did what I had to do. However just as I finished two women walked into the bathroom forcing me to stay there for a slightly longer period of time than I would have liked. Thankfully after they left no one else entered and I was able to egress with as minimal embarrassment as possible.
Which brings me to my next point. Ladies don't be afraid to use a men's bathroom, most men will give you a quick look, shrug, give a grunt and finish their business, men I don't recommend you go use a woman's bathroom unless you have a spotter and permission. Sorry those are the rules I don't write them.
Lastly here is my checklist for things to carry in your car if possible.
Overnight bag with a change of clothing and extra medications.
A toothbrush, not for brushing your teeth but for brushing "stuff" that may be stuck on a public toilet.
An extra roll of toilet paper as well as travel toilet paper.
Hand sanitizer and/or alcohol wipes.
Latex or latex free disposable gloves.
A travel or camping toilet.
Paper towels, cloth towels or mechanic rags.
A gallon of water, not for drinking purposes.
A can of deodorant or air freshener.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Coping With Illness
We all cope with illness in different ways. How you cope can vary based on your current health condition as well as on what stage of grief and mourning scale you are one. This scale primarily goes in this order, denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some people get stuck on one stage longer than others while others may experience the stages in different order. Regardless we all go through them in one way or another. In many of our cases we go through this twice, at least for those with Colitis we go through it when we learn of our disease and then when we must make the painful decision to have our colon removed.
I have yet to experience the second run at the mourning scale but I am confidant that when the time comes I will be ready and prepared as I cope with stress and illness through my own style of humor. I write as a coping mechanism and I enjoy dark, twisted, snarkastic humor which in many ways allows me to see the brighter side of things even when there appears to be no hope, and in a strange way the Prednisone induced mania helps a bit (I know, I know). And if anything blogging on this site has surely done wonders for my confidence and self esteem even if only two people, a Department of Homeland Security agent and three parakeets at an elderly home are the only ones listening.
But rather than going on and on about coping and grief and acceptance I found this video which in many way sums up the feelings that many of us have or will have in regards to our illness.
I have yet to experience the second run at the mourning scale but I am confidant that when the time comes I will be ready and prepared as I cope with stress and illness through my own style of humor. I write as a coping mechanism and I enjoy dark, twisted, snarkastic humor which in many ways allows me to see the brighter side of things even when there appears to be no hope, and in a strange way the Prednisone induced mania helps a bit (I know, I know). And if anything blogging on this site has surely done wonders for my confidence and self esteem even if only two people, a Department of Homeland Security agent and three parakeets at an elderly home are the only ones listening.
But rather than going on and on about coping and grief and acceptance I found this video which in many way sums up the feelings that many of us have or will have in regards to our illness.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Poo song! Bonus Points: Colits and Poo Song! Triple Bonus Points: A Beatles Colitis Poo Song!
"Susy in the Loo with Diarrhee," by Susanna Viljanen; a parody of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles
Picture yourself with your bottom on fire,
With knot on your gut and a pain in your eyes
Toilet now calls you, you get there so quickly
- A girl with colitis goes by.
You empty your bowel of yellow and green
Contents of metabolism -
Look at the mirror, it's pain in your eyes
And poo comes -
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Ah... Ah...
Follow the symptoms of gastroent'ritis
Nausea with taste of vomit in mouth
Oligopeptides come trickling the taste-buds
They come up to harass and tout.
Loopaper reels are consumed oh so quickly
The stench is incredibly stark
Climb on the john with your rear end in fire
And it comes...
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Ah... Ah...
Picture yourself with no carbohydrates
Reduction on lactose and no chocolate pies
Drink just warm water and antibiotics -
The girl with colitis goes by
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Courtesy of
Picture yourself with your bottom on fire,
With knot on your gut and a pain in your eyes
Toilet now calls you, you get there so quickly
- A girl with colitis goes by.
You empty your bowel of yellow and green
Contents of metabolism -
Look at the mirror, it's pain in your eyes
And poo comes -
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Ah... Ah...
Follow the symptoms of gastroent'ritis
Nausea with taste of vomit in mouth
Oligopeptides come trickling the taste-buds
They come up to harass and tout.
Loopaper reels are consumed oh so quickly
The stench is incredibly stark
Climb on the john with your rear end in fire
And it comes...
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Ah... Ah...
Picture yourself with no carbohydrates
Reduction on lactose and no chocolate pies
Drink just warm water and antibiotics -
The girl with colitis goes by
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Courtesy of
Sunday, March 20, 2011
This weekend
This last Friday I attended a concert with friends and I am happy to say that not only was it fun but my body was amazingly cooperative. I admit that I apprehensive about going to the venue as it's often the case with me that the later the time of the day the frequency to go to the bathroom increases. The venue was scheduled to start at 8:30 pm and end sometime after midnight. It ended closer to 2 am.
However I had already bought the ticket and had already let my friends know that I was going to carpool with them since the venue was at the Troubadour in West Hollywood where parking is virtually non existent, and not being one to disappoint I decided to throw caution to the wind and go. After all I'm still young and it would do me no good to stay at home and then wonder about all the "what if's," so I went. I had a couple drinks (Jack and Coke, my go to drink) and enjoyed the music and atmosphere never really worrying about the possibility of having to use the restroom. That is not to say that I had not already mapped out the location of each and every single restroom but that was the furthest thing from my mind as there were better and much more interesting things to think about, the band for one and... well other things. Let's just say that blue hair was involved. But I digress.
Since my friends are really close friends with the headlining band we stuck around for an extra hour before heading out to Canter's Deli where at 3 in the morning I decided to pass on the pastrami, which although heavenly delicious was a bit too heavy for me, and went with a burger. I finally got back to Anaheim where I spent the night at around 4 in the morning and somewhere shortly after went to sleep, waking up by 8 with no difficulty nor feeling the pains and aches that I usually feel after a long night, which I suppose means that my body is getting healthier from where it was even a year ago and quite possibly thinking positively during the night helped as well.
I suppose that the moral of this story is to not be afraid and enjoy yourself. Be free of that fear that all of us experience when we are confronted with something that is outside our norm and simply go with it. Worst case scenario is that you crap you pants, best case scenario you leave with good and happy memories as well as new friendships and an experience well worth sacrificing your security net for the night. And yes I'm ready to do it all over again.
However I had already bought the ticket and had already let my friends know that I was going to carpool with them since the venue was at the Troubadour in West Hollywood where parking is virtually non existent, and not being one to disappoint I decided to throw caution to the wind and go. After all I'm still young and it would do me no good to stay at home and then wonder about all the "what if's," so I went. I had a couple drinks (Jack and Coke, my go to drink) and enjoyed the music and atmosphere never really worrying about the possibility of having to use the restroom. That is not to say that I had not already mapped out the location of each and every single restroom but that was the furthest thing from my mind as there were better and much more interesting things to think about, the band for one and... well other things. Let's just say that blue hair was involved. But I digress.
Since my friends are really close friends with the headlining band we stuck around for an extra hour before heading out to Canter's Deli where at 3 in the morning I decided to pass on the pastrami, which although heavenly delicious was a bit too heavy for me, and went with a burger. I finally got back to Anaheim where I spent the night at around 4 in the morning and somewhere shortly after went to sleep, waking up by 8 with no difficulty nor feeling the pains and aches that I usually feel after a long night, which I suppose means that my body is getting healthier from where it was even a year ago and quite possibly thinking positively during the night helped as well.
I suppose that the moral of this story is to not be afraid and enjoy yourself. Be free of that fear that all of us experience when we are confronted with something that is outside our norm and simply go with it. Worst case scenario is that you crap you pants, best case scenario you leave with good and happy memories as well as new friendships and an experience well worth sacrificing your security net for the night. And yes I'm ready to do it all over again.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Update and More
We are currently at $865.00 with a bit over a hundred days left to go. Guys I know we can do this and are doing okay especially since the bulk of donations tend to come as we get closer to the event. And today being St. Patrick's Day I was involved in a Leprechaun hunt at work where I was enlisted to find the whereabouts of 24 missing Leprechauns that had escaped from the compound that they were held at and were being studied for since 1971.
And in celebration of St. Patrick's Day here are some Leprechaun jokes. They may or may not be poo related, it all depends on what the Internets give me.
Poop, Shut up and Manners from-Joke Buddha
One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him.
So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him,
"What's your name?!"
"Shut-Up."
At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!"
Shut-Up replies,
"Outside picking up Poop."
Two lil Leprechauns...
Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a Penguin."
The United Kingdom
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across an old Whiskey bottle and a Leprechaun pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Leprechaun.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Leprechaun explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
They Told Me There Would Be No Math
An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test.
The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?" After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not ninety nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine." The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!" "Oh yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!"
And in celebration of St. Patrick's Day here are some Leprechaun jokes. They may or may not be poo related, it all depends on what the Internets give me.
Poop, Shut up and Manners from-Joke Buddha
One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him.
So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him,
"What's your name?!"
"Shut-Up."
At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!"
Shut-Up replies,
"Outside picking up Poop."
Two lil Leprechauns...
Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a Penguin."
The United Kingdom
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across an old Whiskey bottle and a Leprechaun pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Leprechaun.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Leprechaun explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
They Told Me There Would Be No Math
An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test.
The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?" After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not ninety nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine." The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!" "Oh yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!"
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Let's talk about food!
Thank you Darrin for the wonderful newsletter you forwarded. And so children today's lesson will be centered on one of our most daunting adversaries, food! Yes we love it for what it tastes like but we hate it for what it does to our bodies yet sadly we need it otherwise we get stuck with a tube and an IV needle. And so ladies and gentlemen I present you with Best foods for those of us with an IBD. Enjoy!
Best foods for IBDs (source-Best Foods for Crohn's Disease)
1. Wild Salmon: Who can resist the succulent taste of the highly nutritious and tasty red meat of the king of freshwater fish, the salmon. It does cost a bit more than your off the shelf can of tuna but it's oh so worth it for the occasional meal as it not only soothes and stimulates your taste buds but also provides a healthy boost of Omega-3 & vitamins A,D,E and K. All highly valuable in fighting inflammation and giving us a healthy boost of much needed vitamins.
2. Yogurt: What else needs to be said? It provides calcium in a safe, easy to handle, easy to digest format and you can even make it tasty by adding additional ingredients to it. Keep in mind that plain yogurt works best as the colorful one, although tasty and fun to look at tends to lack the same amount of nutritious qualities that your body needs.
3. Smooth Nut Butters: I'm talking about peanut butter, almond butter, soy nut butter, not... FOCUS PEOPLE! The dating post was several posting back! Yes smooth nut butters work wonders, they are easy to digest, high in protein and best of all you can spread them on bread, tortillas, pita bread, flat bread, crackers, cookies or eat it with a spoon. They also provide fiber, vitamin E, niacin and calories for those of you struggling to gain weight.
4. Eggs: Yes eggs. I love them although I know that some people are kind of put off by them, but please hear me out! Eggs have iron, and plenty of protein they also have vitamin D and lecithin which is helpful in helping your body absorb vitamins A,D,E and K. But remember everything in moderation as too many eggs can lead to high cholesterol and we have enough problems to have to worry about that as well.
5. Whole Grain Pasta: Now pasta is bad to me, I love it but it's bad to me. However I also love to put stuff in it that may be the reason it's bad to me. Disregarding my own personal experiences with the devilishly heavenly stuff it is a great source of vitamin B. However it also has a good amount of fiber so please eat it, enjoy it but always in moderation.
6. Fresh Lean Beef: Need I say more? Beef is good, unless you have qualms against eating anything with a name that looks kinda cute and adorable on Far Side cartoons. But that aside it tastes good. It's also a great source of iron, calcium and vitamin B-12, minerals and vitamins that us that bleed a lot need a lot more of than our "normal" peers. But once again, in moderation. (I see a theme here.)
7. Potatoes, White and Sweet: Both sweet potatoes and white potatoes are dynamic and versatile foods that are a staple in our diet, whether at breakfast, lunch, or dinner you will probably have one or the other of this wonderful food with you main course, unless the potato is your main meal. Personally it's my number one comfort food. Oh hash browns how I love thee.... But back to the potato. It is also a great source of beta-carotene (sweet potato) and of vitamin C and potassium (potato. Just remember that boiled or baked works best, although fried is sooooooooooo much more tasty... but yes baked or boiled... baked or boiled...
8. Steel-Cut Oats: I like to stay away from anything that says oats since they enjoy to play rugby with my colon, however it is a great source of soluble fiber, slow-release, high-quality carbohydrates and you can put little pieces of apple or other fruits that you can pretend are marshmallows and feel like a kid again. It's a great breakfast food that you can make with water or give it an extra kick using milk, soy milk, rice milk or my favorite, almond milk.
9. Calcium and Vitamin D-Rich Milk: This is a tricky one as many of us cannot digest regular cow milk without the help of lactose pills. Therefore I recommend that you stock up on Lactaid pills or the equivalent if you wish to enjoy a nice cool glass of milk. There is an alternative as lactose free milk is now more readily available than anywhere in almost all major supermarket as well as several smaller ones. If cow's milk doesn't do it for you, lactose free or not, there is also calcium fortified soy, rice and almond milk. Due to malabsorption, calcium absorption and other issues I do recommend that you increase your calcium and vitamin D intake using one of these great avenues, that is unless you like talking a cocktail of supplements each and every morning.
10. Vitamin C-Rich Foods: Once again vitamin C is the key word. Unfortunately we do not absorb the required amount of it due to our GI system throwing a hissy fit and not wanting to play ball with the rest of the body. Therefore it is very important that you get this wonderful vitamin by eating whichever foods are high in it. Vitamin C is also incredibly helpful in aiding the absorption of iron into the body which is a great boon for us anemics out there. However I will add a caveat and say that I disagree with the original author's suggestions. It was stated that citrus fruits, brussel sprouts, broccoli and bell peppers should be sought to aid in this however those may harm some of us while not affect others. So be cautious in regards to fruits and vegetables. I love citrus but sometimes it can bee too much to digest, the solution is get a Juicer! All of the benefit and flavor without any of the seeds and stringy, fiber like stuff that could rub my colon raw. I cook with bell peppers for flavor but I make sure that they are really soft and can be cut with a paper napkin before eating them as that ensures that it would be easier to digest and run through the intestines. As for broccoli, as much as I love it the threat of gas and the pain that it brings upon me is far to great to risk eating more than an accidental nibble.
This list is in now way exhaustive and should only be seen as suggested foods and not as a definitive guideline. Use moderation and do a test run of foods using small portions in order to see how your body reacts to it before trying it. And as always please consult with you physician before making any substantial changes to you diet and please be aware of any and all food allergies you may have.
Best foods for IBDs (source-Best Foods for Crohn's Disease)
1. Wild Salmon: Who can resist the succulent taste of the highly nutritious and tasty red meat of the king of freshwater fish, the salmon. It does cost a bit more than your off the shelf can of tuna but it's oh so worth it for the occasional meal as it not only soothes and stimulates your taste buds but also provides a healthy boost of Omega-3 & vitamins A,D,E and K. All highly valuable in fighting inflammation and giving us a healthy boost of much needed vitamins.
2. Yogurt: What else needs to be said? It provides calcium in a safe, easy to handle, easy to digest format and you can even make it tasty by adding additional ingredients to it. Keep in mind that plain yogurt works best as the colorful one, although tasty and fun to look at tends to lack the same amount of nutritious qualities that your body needs.
3. Smooth Nut Butters: I'm talking about peanut butter, almond butter, soy nut butter, not... FOCUS PEOPLE! The dating post was several posting back! Yes smooth nut butters work wonders, they are easy to digest, high in protein and best of all you can spread them on bread, tortillas, pita bread, flat bread, crackers, cookies or eat it with a spoon. They also provide fiber, vitamin E, niacin and calories for those of you struggling to gain weight.
4. Eggs: Yes eggs. I love them although I know that some people are kind of put off by them, but please hear me out! Eggs have iron, and plenty of protein they also have vitamin D and lecithin which is helpful in helping your body absorb vitamins A,D,E and K. But remember everything in moderation as too many eggs can lead to high cholesterol and we have enough problems to have to worry about that as well.
5. Whole Grain Pasta: Now pasta is bad to me, I love it but it's bad to me. However I also love to put stuff in it that may be the reason it's bad to me. Disregarding my own personal experiences with the devilishly heavenly stuff it is a great source of vitamin B. However it also has a good amount of fiber so please eat it, enjoy it but always in moderation.
6. Fresh Lean Beef: Need I say more? Beef is good, unless you have qualms against eating anything with a name that looks kinda cute and adorable on Far Side cartoons. But that aside it tastes good. It's also a great source of iron, calcium and vitamin B-12, minerals and vitamins that us that bleed a lot need a lot more of than our "normal" peers. But once again, in moderation. (I see a theme here.)
7. Potatoes, White and Sweet: Both sweet potatoes and white potatoes are dynamic and versatile foods that are a staple in our diet, whether at breakfast, lunch, or dinner you will probably have one or the other of this wonderful food with you main course, unless the potato is your main meal. Personally it's my number one comfort food. Oh hash browns how I love thee.... But back to the potato. It is also a great source of beta-carotene (sweet potato) and of vitamin C and potassium (potato. Just remember that boiled or baked works best, although fried is sooooooooooo much more tasty... but yes baked or boiled... baked or boiled...
8. Steel-Cut Oats: I like to stay away from anything that says oats since they enjoy to play rugby with my colon, however it is a great source of soluble fiber, slow-release, high-quality carbohydrates and you can put little pieces of apple or other fruits that you can pretend are marshmallows and feel like a kid again. It's a great breakfast food that you can make with water or give it an extra kick using milk, soy milk, rice milk or my favorite, almond milk.
9. Calcium and Vitamin D-Rich Milk: This is a tricky one as many of us cannot digest regular cow milk without the help of lactose pills. Therefore I recommend that you stock up on Lactaid pills or the equivalent if you wish to enjoy a nice cool glass of milk. There is an alternative as lactose free milk is now more readily available than anywhere in almost all major supermarket as well as several smaller ones. If cow's milk doesn't do it for you, lactose free or not, there is also calcium fortified soy, rice and almond milk. Due to malabsorption, calcium absorption and other issues I do recommend that you increase your calcium and vitamin D intake using one of these great avenues, that is unless you like talking a cocktail of supplements each and every morning.
10. Vitamin C-Rich Foods: Once again vitamin C is the key word. Unfortunately we do not absorb the required amount of it due to our GI system throwing a hissy fit and not wanting to play ball with the rest of the body. Therefore it is very important that you get this wonderful vitamin by eating whichever foods are high in it. Vitamin C is also incredibly helpful in aiding the absorption of iron into the body which is a great boon for us anemics out there. However I will add a caveat and say that I disagree with the original author's suggestions. It was stated that citrus fruits, brussel sprouts, broccoli and bell peppers should be sought to aid in this however those may harm some of us while not affect others. So be cautious in regards to fruits and vegetables. I love citrus but sometimes it can bee too much to digest, the solution is get a Juicer! All of the benefit and flavor without any of the seeds and stringy, fiber like stuff that could rub my colon raw. I cook with bell peppers for flavor but I make sure that they are really soft and can be cut with a paper napkin before eating them as that ensures that it would be easier to digest and run through the intestines. As for broccoli, as much as I love it the threat of gas and the pain that it brings upon me is far to great to risk eating more than an accidental nibble.
This list is in now way exhaustive and should only be seen as suggested foods and not as a definitive guideline. Use moderation and do a test run of foods using small portions in order to see how your body reacts to it before trying it. And as always please consult with you physician before making any substantial changes to you diet and please be aware of any and all food allergies you may have.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Jackie and her splendidly wonderful fundraiser idea.
As some of you may or may not know we are attempting to raise money for the Take Steps walk. As some of you may or may not know our very much loved and appreciated Jackie is in the hospital sad and depressed SO BE SURE TO SEND HER A GET WELL CARD! But more importantly she has an idea for a potential fundraiser. Did she ever tell you guys how she ended up in the hospital? No? Well this is how.
See shortly after the last time we saw her she decided to go on a pirate cruise, not so much for leisure but for business. See she was intent on raising funds for our little Poo Crew and discovered the whereabouts of Scratchy Poo's hidden treasure. And so she gathered a motley crew of deviants, misfits, and mimes and went off in search of this legendary and fabled treasure. And guess what? SHE FOUND IT! She loaded her ships and returned and took her clearly won bounty directly to the CCFA offices only to discover that they took neither Paypal nor pirate treasure. And so she had to come up with an alternative plan. And that's how she came up with her fundraising idea (click link). That's right she is going to sell and peddle and exchange her hard earned booty (not that one you pervs)for currency that the CCFA will gladly take in order to give kudos and accolades to our little Crew of Poo.
So please shoot her out feedback on if you would like to participate in this venture or possibly any other future ventures that she may have in sailing the seven seas and the oceans blue in search of lost and hidden treasure to further help our cause.
As for how she got sick? Well that's a tale for another time my friends.
See shortly after the last time we saw her she decided to go on a pirate cruise, not so much for leisure but for business. See she was intent on raising funds for our little Poo Crew and discovered the whereabouts of Scratchy Poo's hidden treasure. And so she gathered a motley crew of deviants, misfits, and mimes and went off in search of this legendary and fabled treasure. And guess what? SHE FOUND IT! She loaded her ships and returned and took her clearly won bounty directly to the CCFA offices only to discover that they took neither Paypal nor pirate treasure. And so she had to come up with an alternative plan. And that's how she came up with her fundraising idea (click link). That's right she is going to sell and peddle and exchange her hard earned booty (not that one you pervs)for currency that the CCFA will gladly take in order to give kudos and accolades to our little Crew of Poo.
So please shoot her out feedback on if you would like to participate in this venture or possibly any other future ventures that she may have in sailing the seven seas and the oceans blue in search of lost and hidden treasure to further help our cause.
As for how she got sick? Well that's a tale for another time my friends.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A commercial break
And now for a word from one of our non sponsors:
The "Swash" bidet toilet seat from Brondell will guarantee a better and different toilet experience. With three different flavors to choose from all with reasonable prices they will not only save you money on toilet paper but also ensure that every trip to the bathroom is like a trip to your own personal tropical waterfall and masseuse.*
So remember if you want to treat your tooshie right, treat it with a Swash bidet toilet seat from Brondell!
*actual results may vary.
Swash bidet toilet seats by Brondell.
The "Swash" bidet toilet seat from Brondell will guarantee a better and different toilet experience. With three different flavors to choose from all with reasonable prices they will not only save you money on toilet paper but also ensure that every trip to the bathroom is like a trip to your own personal tropical waterfall and masseuse.*
So remember if you want to treat your tooshie right, treat it with a Swash bidet toilet seat from Brondell!
*actual results may vary.
Swash bidet toilet seats by Brondell.
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