Poo song! Bonus Points: Colits and Poo Song! Triple Bonus Points: A Beatles Colitis Poo Song!

"Susy in the Loo with Diarrhee," by Susanna Viljanen; a parody of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles

Picture yourself with your bottom on fire,
With knot on your gut and a pain in your eyes
Toilet now calls you, you get there so quickly
- A girl with colitis goes by.

You empty your bowel of yellow and green
Contents of metabolism -
Look at the mirror, it's pain in your eyes
And poo comes -

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)

Ah... Ah...

Follow the symptoms of gastroent'ritis
Nausea with taste of vomit in mouth
Oligopeptides come trickling the taste-buds
They come up to harass and tout.

Loopaper reels are consumed oh so quickly
The stench is incredibly stark
Climb on the john with your rear end in fire
And it comes...

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)

Ah... Ah...

Picture yourself with no carbohydrates
Reduction on lactose and no chocolate pies
Drink just warm water and antibiotics -
The girl with colitis goes by

Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)
Susy in the loo with diarrhee - (Diarrhee!)




Courtesy of

Update... and Now with Pages on the Side Bar! Look and Click!!---------->

Congrats guys! We are currently at $1,365.00! That means that we are currently 27% of the way to our goal and with a bit under 100 days remaining I say that we have a really good chance of reaching $5000 or more. Keep in mind we still have the March, April and May support group meetings before the walk as well as several great fund raising ideas.

Our next support group meeting will be Monday, March 28th at the Los Alamitos Medical Center, the same poo place and the same poo time. The lovely Alison will be sending a reminder and please don't forget to bring any and all used printer ink cartridges as well as any cell phones that you have no use for as we are collecting them for one of our fundraisers. As far as I'm aware we may have a yard sale being planned for next month or the following month so stay tuned for more information regarding that.

Once again congrats on reaching this important goal, more information will follow as it becomes available!

This weekend

This last Friday I attended a concert with friends and I am happy to say that not only was it fun but my body was amazingly cooperative. I admit that I apprehensive about going to the venue as it's often the case with me that the later the time of the day the frequency to go to the bathroom increases. The venue was scheduled to start at 8:30 pm and end sometime after midnight. It ended closer to 2 am.

However I had already bought the ticket and had already let my friends know that I was going to carpool with them since the venue was at the Troubadour in West Hollywood where parking is virtually non existent, and not being one to disappoint I decided to throw caution to the wind and go. After all I'm still young and it would do me no good to stay at home and then wonder about all the "what if's," so I went. I had a couple drinks (Jack and Coke, my go to drink) and enjoyed the music and atmosphere never really worrying about the possibility of having to use the restroom. That is not to say that I had not already mapped out the location of each and every single restroom but that was the furthest thing from my mind as there were better and much more interesting things to think about, the band for one and... well other things. Let's just say that blue hair was involved. But I digress.

Since my friends are really close friends with the headlining band we stuck around for an extra hour before heading out to Canter's Deli where at 3 in the morning I decided to pass on the pastrami, which although heavenly delicious was a bit too heavy for me, and went with a burger. I finally got back to Anaheim where I spent the night at around 4 in the morning and somewhere shortly after went to sleep, waking up by 8 with no difficulty nor feeling the pains and aches that I usually feel after a long night, which I suppose means that my body is getting healthier from where it was even a year ago and quite possibly thinking positively during the night helped as well.

I suppose that the moral of this story is to not be afraid and enjoy yourself. Be free of that fear that all of us experience when we are confronted with something that is outside our norm and simply go with it. Worst case scenario is that you crap you pants, best case scenario you leave with good and happy memories as well as new friendships and an experience well worth sacrificing your security net for the night. And yes I'm ready to do it all over again.

Upcoming CCFA events

There are two CCFA events coming up soon, these are educational and informative events for those suffering from an IBD and their families and loved ones. The presenters are great, very knowledgeable and know what it feels like to suffer the suffering that we suffer. If you can please try to attend one of the following two events, they may have cookies and donuts!

Understanding Inflammatory Bowel Diseases: What Every Patient Needs to Know.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
1:00 - 3:00 PM
Courtyard Marriott, Riverside, CA

and

The Los Angeles Spring 2011 IBD Patient and Family Education Conference: How to Manage IBD

Saturday, April 16, 2011
8:15 AM - 2:00 PM
Covel Commons Building
Sunset Village, UCLA
Los Angeles, CA.
List of Speakers is five posts down.

For more information on either event please feel free to contact Lindsay Brown at LBrown@ccfa.org, or call (310) 478-4500

Update and More

We are currently at $865.00 with a bit over a hundred days left to go. Guys I know we can do this and are doing okay especially since the bulk of donations tend to come as we get closer to the event. And today being St. Patrick's Day I was involved in a Leprechaun hunt at work where I was enlisted to find the whereabouts of 24 missing Leprechauns that had escaped from the compound that they were held at and were being studied for since 1971.

And in celebration of St. Patrick's Day here are some Leprechaun jokes. They may or may not be poo related, it all depends on what the Internets give me.

Poop, Shut up and Manners from-Joke Buddha

One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him.
So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him,
"What's your name?!"
"Shut-Up."
At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!"
Shut-Up replies,
"Outside picking up Poop."


Two lil Leprechauns...

Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
"Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
"all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
"Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
"Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
"No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you so...you've been dating a Penguin."

The United Kingdom

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across an old Whiskey bottle and a Leprechaun pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Leprechaun.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again, with a blink of the Leprechaun's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Leprechaun explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

They Told Me There Would Be No Math

An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies. When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test.
The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?" After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not ninety nine!" "Oh yes it is", said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine." The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!" "Oh yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!!!!!"

Let's talk about food!

Thank you Darrin for the wonderful newsletter you forwarded. And so children today's lesson will be centered on one of our most daunting adversaries, food! Yes we love it for what it tastes like but we hate it for what it does to our bodies yet sadly we need it otherwise we get stuck with a tube and an IV needle. And so ladies and gentlemen I present you with Best foods for those of us with an IBD. Enjoy!

Best foods for IBDs (source-Best Foods for Crohn's Disease)

1. Wild Salmon: Who can resist the succulent taste of the highly nutritious and tasty red meat of the king of freshwater fish, the salmon. It does cost a bit more than your off the shelf can of tuna but it's oh so worth it for the occasional meal as it not only soothes and stimulates your taste buds but also provides a healthy boost of Omega-3 & vitamins A,D,E and K. All highly valuable in fighting inflammation and giving us a healthy boost of much needed vitamins.

2. Yogurt: What else needs to be said? It provides calcium in a safe, easy to handle, easy to digest format and you can even make it tasty by adding additional ingredients to it. Keep in mind that plain yogurt works best as the colorful one, although tasty and fun to look at tends to lack the same amount of nutritious qualities that your body needs.

3. Smooth Nut Butters: I'm talking about peanut butter, almond butter, soy nut butter, not... FOCUS PEOPLE! The dating post was several posting back! Yes smooth nut butters work wonders, they are easy to digest, high in protein and best of all you can spread them on bread, tortillas, pita bread, flat bread, crackers, cookies or eat it with a spoon. They also provide fiber, vitamin E, niacin and calories for those of you struggling to gain weight.

4. Eggs: Yes eggs. I love them although I know that some people are kind of put off by them, but please hear me out! Eggs have iron, and plenty of protein they also have vitamin D and lecithin which is helpful in helping your body absorb vitamins A,D,E and K. But remember everything in moderation as too many eggs can lead to high cholesterol and we have enough problems to have to worry about that as well.

5. Whole Grain Pasta: Now pasta is bad to me, I love it but it's bad to me. However I also love to put stuff in it that may be the reason it's bad to me. Disregarding my own personal experiences with the devilishly heavenly stuff it is a great source of vitamin B. However it also has a good amount of fiber so please eat it, enjoy it but always in moderation.

6. Fresh Lean Beef: Need I say more? Beef is good, unless you have qualms against eating anything with a name that looks kinda cute and adorable on Far Side cartoons. But that aside it tastes good. It's also a great source of iron, calcium and vitamin B-12, minerals and vitamins that us that bleed a lot need a lot more of than our "normal" peers. But once again, in moderation. (I see a theme here.)

7. Potatoes, White and Sweet: Both sweet potatoes and white potatoes are dynamic and versatile foods that are a staple in our diet, whether at breakfast, lunch, or dinner you will probably have one or the other of this wonderful food with you main course, unless the potato is your main meal. Personally it's my number one comfort food. Oh hash browns how I love thee.... But back to the potato. It is also a great source of beta-carotene (sweet potato) and of vitamin C and potassium (potato. Just remember that boiled or baked works best, although fried is sooooooooooo much more tasty... but yes baked or boiled... baked or boiled...

8. Steel-Cut Oats: I like to stay away from anything that says oats since they enjoy to play rugby with my colon, however it is a great source of soluble fiber, slow-release, high-quality carbohydrates and you can put little pieces of apple or other fruits that you can pretend are marshmallows and feel like a kid again. It's a great breakfast food that you can make with water or give it an extra kick using milk, soy milk, rice milk or my favorite, almond milk.

9. Calcium and Vitamin D-Rich Milk: This is a tricky one as many of us cannot digest regular cow milk without the help of lactose pills. Therefore I recommend that you stock up on Lactaid pills or the equivalent if you wish to enjoy a nice cool glass of milk. There is an alternative as lactose free milk is now more readily available than anywhere in almost all major supermarket as well as several smaller ones. If cow's milk doesn't do it for you, lactose free or not, there is also calcium fortified soy, rice and almond milk. Due to malabsorption, calcium absorption and other issues I do recommend that you increase your calcium and vitamin D intake using one of these great avenues, that is unless you like talking a cocktail of supplements each and every morning.

10. Vitamin C-Rich Foods: Once again vitamin C is the key word. Unfortunately we do not absorb the required amount of it due to our GI system throwing a hissy fit and not wanting to play ball with the rest of the body. Therefore it is very important that you get this wonderful vitamin by eating whichever foods are high in it. Vitamin C is also incredibly helpful in aiding the absorption of iron into the body which is a great boon for us anemics out there. However I will add a caveat and say that I disagree with the original author's suggestions. It was stated that citrus fruits, brussel sprouts, broccoli and bell peppers should be sought to aid in this however those may harm some of us while not affect others. So be cautious in regards to fruits and vegetables. I love citrus but sometimes it can bee too much to digest, the solution is get a Juicer! All of the benefit and flavor without any of the seeds and stringy, fiber like stuff that could rub my colon raw. I cook with bell peppers for flavor but I make sure that they are really soft and can be cut with a paper napkin before eating them as that ensures that it would be easier to digest and run through the intestines. As for broccoli, as much as I love it the threat of gas and the pain that it brings upon me is far to great to risk eating more than an accidental nibble.

This list is in now way exhaustive and should only be seen as suggested foods and not as a definitive guideline. Use moderation and do a test run of foods using small portions in order to see how your body reacts to it before trying it. And as always please consult with you physician before making any substantial changes to you diet and please be aware of any and all food allergies you may have.

Good News and Bad News

Good News: So far we have raised $825.00 for the Poo Crew!
Bad News: More bad jokes stolen from the Internets by yours truly.
-much Love, Jorge

Since we spend an obscene amount of time in bathroom stalls here are some helpful ideas to pass the time, namely by annoying the person in the stall next to yours. Enjoy!

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

Shamelessly borrowed from: www.bathroomjokes.com